30/04/16: Well it would seem that the football was still on late this Saturday as QX entered the Hoist for its new offering of fetish extravaganza. Wow what a treat!

Top of the list for this Sportswear feast was of course West Ham kittage, followed closely by Chelsea. Well not that close thankfully, and I think a Hotspur, or was that hot man?! Both actually very hot, so it doesn’t matter.

The arch was buzzing with testosterone as the mats were being laid for some hot and sweaty wrestling. So to recap boys, this is The Hoist’s new night SportsBolt, a night of sportswear antics. So take your pick: footie kit, rugby, wrestling spandex…endless stuff to get your sleazy bodies into.

No Need to worry though this is still the Hoist, the slings are still upstairs for those other types of ball games and ping-pong, or wherever you decide to play tennis.

And to top it off you got to wrestle rim and suck hot beefy guys! Great fun! To top off the night there was a guest wrestler Huge Muscle Guy, who really had his hands full in more than one way, these guys were here for the kill and planted him smack on his back a few times.

What a great new night! Get your asses down here and check this game out.

[Show as slideshow]

The Hoist, Railway Arch 47, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SR
Words and Photos by Mark Storey

It’s time for a list of our fave famous twinks! Why? Why NOT! We love a twink as much as the next man. Youthful, white-toothed twinky goodness. Whether they’re bounding along Old Compton Street, or on our TV screens singing at the VMAs (hey Biebs), we are AAALL partial to a twink at some point.

SO, here they are, in all their twinky goodness. Twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink. You may notice an absence of Tom Daley. The reason we haven’t included Tom Daley is because all you need to do if you want to read about him is open Facebook, or any gay blog in the world ever. He’s always there staring back at you. Legs akimbo. Anyway here we go, famous twinks.

Dudley O’Shaughnessy

Dudley is perhaps best-known for being that beguiling blue-eyed male model in Rihanna’s epic music video for We Found Love. He’s got a smokey allure and a pout-lipped aloofness that’s totes sexy. He’s just appeared opposite Rihanna again in her Puma Fenty campaign. He’s also worked with Fred Perry and Jeremy Scott, and was cast in a Benetton campaign. We want to find love in a hopeless place with you Dudley!

Armond Rizzo

You probably already know what Armond Rizzo’s famous for, but in case you don’t, we’re just gonna say it…he’s famous for TAKING DICK! Very well. And usually on all-fours. Yes, he’s a gay porn superstar. Apparently he’s one of the highest paid actors in the industry, and he deserves it. His bottoming skills are unparalleled. Which is very commendable. It’s way more impressive than being a top. Good for you Armond! Keep doing what you’re doing!

Louis Tomlinson

We couldn’t NOT have one of One Direction in here. Louis Tomlinson is our favourite because we feel like he probably does EVERYTHING in bed. We’re not sure why, but we feel like he’d be a right dirty shag. So there.
Brenton Thwaites

Now, if you recognize little Brenton Thwaites from when he ran around a forest being completely useless in Maleficent. Except he was totes cute. Don’t worry if you fancy him, it’s fine! He’s older than he looks! He’s 26! Hooray! All perfectly above board. Anyway he’s got a big career ahead of him by the looks of it. He’s got several blockbusters in the works, including the next installment of the Pirates of The Caribbean franchise, in which he’ll be playing Will Turners son. Twinks Of The Caribbean! That sounds like a porn film. If only it was.

Lucas Till

Lucas Till is, like, the archetypal twink. A fop of blone hair, pale skin, blue eyes, skinny. Blah Blah. He plays Havok in the new X-Men movies. His performance isn’t exactly the pinnacle of acting integrity, but let’s face it, who gives a fuck. His other claim to fame is being in the Hannah Montana movie. Lol.

Malachi Kirby

Love, love, love Malachi! Not only he is he gorgeous, but he has some upcoming noble acting credibility: he’s starring as Kunta Kinte in the new, much-hyped miniseries of Roots on The History Channel. Intense stuff. You might also recognize him as Wayne Ladlow from Eastenders.

Jeremy Irvine

British twink Jeremy Irvine is like every boy you used to fancy at school rolled into one broody-eyed, square-jawed package. Captain of the hockey team. School tie always loose. Wrote graffiti on his desk. YOU know the sort of guy. The sort of guy you’d hang around in the locker rooms for. He made his film debut in critically acclaimed epic, War Horse. He was also in that Stonewall movie, but we’re pretending the entire thing didn’t happen, so we’ll forget about that. Later this year he’s in dark thriller Fallen. Hopefully there’ll be lots of brooding!

G-Dragon

G-Dragon is a k-pop sensation who’s way cooler than you and wears high top trainers that probably cost more than your entire student loan. He doesn’t give a fuck! He’s all about fast cars, fast beats and fast, erm…broadband speed? Anyway we really like his look, and he’s totes cute! Hey G-Dragon! *waves, giggles*

Connor Franta

Ugh there was bound to be a Youtuber in here somewhere wasn’t there. Connor Franta is probably one of the more likeable Youtubers, but that’s not really saying much because they’re all annoying little turds. Still, among Connor’s redeeming qualities are his winning smile and his ABSOLUTELY ROCKIN’ BOD. You could grate hashtags on it! He’s probably tried. He’s got a following of legions of 14-year-old girls, and no doubt a good few 14-year-old boys.

Who makes up the rules on what you can and can’t look like?

I like to think if you don’t like something about yourself why not change it, except nothing is quite that clear cut. Some people are always looking for the reasons why someone might go to extremes when really it’s up to the individual as to how they present themselves, best not give a fuck what anyone else thinks (well, as long as they pay you homage).

This week we’re warming up with first Thursday of the month Quiz Me Maybe – EuroQUIZZIN’ Special on May 5th at the Dalston Superstore. Brought to us by superstar drag sisters ShayShay & May who will be obsessing over the Eurovision Song Contest from 7pm.

Roll up! Glory Wotever celebrate Too Queer for your Binary on Friday 6th May with non-stop non-binary cabaret and disco at The Glory. Catch star turns from the likes of Baby Lame, Maxi Moore and more, more, more – 8pm prompt, dance & drink ‘til 2am.

Up at Vogue Fabrics it’s Gay Vinyl London w. secret guest DJ Niksi, LSDXOXO (Qween beat NYC), Jesse Kanda and international cult peformer No Bra! It’s on Friday 6th 9pm-3am.

Looking ahead on Saturday 12th it’s The Legend of Leigh Bowery and a night dedicated to his brilliance and legacy. The Amy Grimehouse have curated a screening, talks and performance over the two floors of The Glory from 7pm…

…and a new club alert this month! Private Life is opening on Saturday 28th May somewhere near Old Street! Not much details on this one yet but it’s over 4 floors with VIP booths, PAs, DJs and all sorts. With Fat Tony holding the fort it’s bound to be tres chic!

We’re continuing the theme of championing queer cult classics in our film section at the moment.

Last week it was Christina Ricci’s drawlingly cynical The Opposite Of Sex, and this week it’s Party Monster, the outrageous, surreal comedy/drama that captured a generation and helped shape club kid culture.

Now to the more discerning amongst you, Party Monster might seem like an obvious choice. Not only have we already seen it, but we live it, we breathe it, we ARE it. But a surprising amount people don’t have it in their repertoire of cultural references. The other day I complimented someone’s look in the smoking area of The Glory and said it was “very Party Monster” and they were like “what’s Party Monster?” Shocking!

Directed by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato, Party Monster is pretty much the definition of a queer cult movie. It’s based on the real life of notorious New York club night promoter Michael Allig, known for his outlandish dress sense, propensity for class A’s and, erm, hacking people up. He hacked up his then boyfriend Angel Melendez and left his bits in the bathtub. Anyway now he’s out of prison and starring in a horror movie called Family Possessions, currently in production. Oh and he’s got a single out.

The film covers all these events and more, with Macaulay Culkin as Allig. It’s also got avant-garde fashion designer slash actress slash fascinator connoisseur Chloe Sevigny (GOOD EVENING AMERICA) and Seth Green as Allig’s best friend James St James.

The whole movie is absolutely absurd. It’s self-indulgent, contrived, completely unbelievable and mind-blowingly arrogant. Unsurprisingly, it was universally panned by critics on its release in 2003. But a few years later, people started to get it. Its absurdity and arrogance is actually genius, because it perfectly reflects its subject, and the sociopolitical milieu it’s set in (yes I just said “sociopolitical milieu”, I did A-Level Media Studies).

So if you haven’t already seen it, watch it immediately. It’s so ingrained in gay culture that you’ll feel like you’ve seen it already. Maybe you have seen it already. In fact, if you can’t be bothered to watch it, just go to a warehouse party in Dalston, it’s pretty much the same thing.

• Party Monster is available on Netflix.

No stranger to huge audiences, Ruby Murry took to the Britain’s Got Talent stage recently and was met with a wave of love after performing Nessum Dorma.

It was one of ‘those ‘ talent show moments. You know the type? Simon Cowell almost cracks a smile; random girl in the audience gasps, and then they crank up the big dramatic Mariah Carey track. Ahead of an exclusive performance at Sink the Pink and (hopefully) preparing for the BGT live shows, Ruby spoke to Jason Reid this week…

Congratulations on your spectacular audition. How has the public reaction been since? 

It’s been amazing. A huge positive response from friends and strangers, especially through social media.

Were you nervous when the show aired? 

Nervous? I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like it in my life. I’m used to being onstage performing, and in that situation I’m the one in control, doing what I do. But when you put yourself in the hands of the Britain’s Got Talent editors it’s scary because you don’t know how it will be presented on the actual show.

What happened on the actual day of the audition? 

It was a very overwhelming day. My audition in January was at the Liverpool Empire. Throughout my chat with the judges I was getting laughs and jokes, so I think they were expecting something comedic from me. Obviously when I opened my gob and started singing opera there was a big element of surprise. Then the whole audience stood up, and the reaction that followed from the judges was great.

What were your expectations going into it? 

I kind of hoped it would go well because it’s a bit different: a man in drag singing a male tenor song. I first started performing it in Ibiza a couple of years ago, as part of my Monday night residency at Pacha. Having three thousand (slightly worse for wear) clubbers in front of me at 2am in the morning transfixed as I sang Nessum Dorma was quite something. I realised then it could work in a variety of environments.

Let’s talk a bit about your background. Which came first, opera or drag? 

I studied at a drama school in London from the age of 18 to 21, and at the same time I was learning classical singing. I’d say the singing came first.

“Nervous? I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like it in my life.”

Why did you decide to combine the two? 

A few years ago I was working as a musical director in the holiday industry, and I became more and more aware of how much I was missing performing. As I’d spent so much time in Ibiza, I knew some friends who ran an entertainments company so I approached them with a view to producing my own show. They said they’d love to have a live drag show as it was something that was missing from their catalogue. I decided to give it a go; I wrote a full show and performed in it myself. To close the show I would belt out Nessum Dorma, which always went down a storm. One night the powers that be from Pacha approached me. They said they were looking for someone who personified their club night, the slogan of which was, ‘It’s not over till the fat lady sings’. So of course I jumped at the chance, and before I knew it I had a twenty week residency. All from putting myself in a drag show that initially I wasn’t sure I was wanted to be in.

It must’ve been fate! Back to BGT briefly, you’re through to the live semi-finals, right? 

Well… I couldn’t possibly say. But please keep watching and you’ll find out.

Brilliant. That damn confidentiality clause must be a pain. Hypothetically speaking, if you were in the live shows, what would you do? 

I think it’s about being diverse. They’ve only seen one colour of Ruby. Moving forward it’d be about doing something slightly different and incorporating comedy and humour.

• Ruby will be performing at Sink the Pink on 11th June.

It’s a sunny Spring afternoon, and we’re in dusky private members venue The Phoenix Artists Club, with two hot gay French entrepreneurial twins. THATS not something you say every day is it.

Hot gay entrepreneurial twins are definitely worthy of an interview. But Pierre and Adrien Gaubert are more than just pretty faces. They’ve got an award-winning website that links LGBT professionals. Something that’s wonderfully important in a potentially mysoginist, homophobic working environment.

They spoke to Dylan Jones about business, and British men.

Hey boys…so tell us a bit about yourselves.

ADRIEN: We are twins! We are 27, we grew up in a little town in the South of France. We moved to London 4 years ago to study our masters and decided there is no better place to live than London! We love to hang out with our friends and meet new people, travel, and come back!

How does the London gay scene compare to France’s?

PIERRE: The London gay scene is always very trendy. When we came here a couple of years ago after living in China and Mexico, we really enjoyed going out in London. We love that people are so open minded and a bit a crazy sometimes (in a good way). We have many friends from Paris and heard that the scene is getting better and better, copying the parties in London or Berlin. Maybe we’ll go for a weekend to check it out.

What’s your favourite thing about the London scene?

ADRIEN: In London, everyone can be who they want to be. Nobody judges you or looks at you. Once we went clubbing and there was a 70-year-old man wearing a tutu and shirtless. No-one in the club even looked at him. In France, sadly he would have stayed at the door. London is vibrant! Also, we have the feeling straight girls and guys feel much better going out in the LGBT scene in London. They feel more welcome, which is great! We think it is important for the LGBT community to be inclusive towards our straight allies.

Where do you like to go out?

PIERRE: We like to go out everywhere. We’re not picky. From having a nice drink in Soho with friends, ending with going to Heaven, to a crazy Friday in Clapham or East London and sometimes a bit wilder when the fire of the party gets to us! We also love to travel and enjoy other countries’ gay scenes. Mykonos is by far our favourite. People are chilled and it is a great place to meet new friends.

Do you like British guys?

PIERRE: The UK is made of various cultures and looks so yes, we like British guys. Who would not fall for the British accent?

“Of course when we go out and people have had more than one beer, they ask if we have sex together.”

Who would be your ideal man?

ADRIEN: Like anyone else, we would not say no to a nice, smart, handsome and successful guy. Any prince charming out-there is welcome!

What’s it like being gay twins?! Do you get a lot of attention?

ADRIEN: Attention is not what we get, we get looks and the same questions over and over ‘are you guys twins?’ but sometimes people ask if we are boyfriends which is a bit confusing as we evidently share some genes…and, of course when we go out and people have had more than one beer, they will ask if we have sex together, as if it’s something normal for brothers to sleep together. Maybe for some people their fantasy is a reality!

Tell us about your business.

PIERRE: We launched myGwork after we both experienced homophobic situation at work. myGwork ease networking between LGBT professionals, graduates and LGBT-friendly organisations. Our goal is to remove the fear of coming out at work for everyone and help companies create a more inclusive and diverse workplace for our community.

What do you have planned for the future?

In the near future we will expand myGwork to the US and the northern European countries.

• You can check out Pierre & Adrien’s website at myGwork.com

By Dylan Jones

WELL, the last few days have been quite a major (MAYJOR) few days for music, so I can actually write about new releases! Which I haven’t done in ages.

I know this column promises to be a “round-up of new music” but when the only new music is No by Meghan Trainor I just can’t bring myself to do it and so I write about Lindsay Lohan album tracks from 2005.

BUT NOT ANYMORE! We’ve got new Ke$ha! We’ve got new Rihanna! We’ve got new Dua Lipa! SO HERE WE GO.

Ke$ha & Zedd – True Colours

I’ve only had the chance to listen to this a few times, not  enough to PROPERLY make my mind up on it yet, but at the moment I’m loving it! Firstly, no matter what you think about the whole Ke$ha saga, it’s a really well-produced song, with a fairly original sound. I tried to operate a bit of Death Of The Author with it. I learnt that phrase in A-Level English Literature. It means reading a book with no prior knowledge of the author. So yeah. Who’d have thought it’d come in useful when writing about Ke$ha in a fag rag! So yeah, as it stands, True Colours is an 8/10. We’ll see!

Dua Lipa – Hotter Than Hell

ABSOLUTE BANGER! This is exactly the sort of punky dance pop we live for at QX! It’s leather-jacket-storming-through-Dalston-with-a-cigarette fare! It’s great! Dua has been pretty consistently good actually, and she hasn’t even been around for that long. Apparently she lives somewhere around Hampstead. We’ll give you a call next time we’re up there cruising Dua, you can join us for a sausage roll. Well done babe! Snaps for Dua #HotterThanHell

Rihanna & Calvin Harris – This Is What You Came For

Meh.

Yes! A gay sailing club exists. It’s called the Sailing & Cruising Association, and it’s based all over the UK.

Its got over 450 members, and they link up virtually via the group’s website, and meet depending on where they live. With the summer approaching, sailing is a great past time to get on board with. It’s fun, it’s wholesome and it’s also very dignified and leisurely. None of that uncouth power boating nonsense. We’re talking about booms and mainsails dahhling.

Experiences range from seasoned ocean farers to total novices, so any ability is welcome. Events are organized at least once a month during sailing season. So pack a cool box full of cucumber sandwiches (or bottles of bolly sweetie) and dust off that life jacket you bought ten years ago! AHOY SEAMEN (sorry, we got this far without making a semen joke, we couldn’t resist).

• For more info and to apply for membership, go to gaysailing.org.uk

Coming to play at the daytime Gold Diggers party on Saturday May 7th at Egg LDN, can you tell us how you were invited to play and what’s your association with Egg LDN?

I was invited to play by my good friend Ricardo Castro, Gold Diggers creative director and fellow Brazilian. It’s my first gig at Egg LDN and it’s a really good way to start our relationship playing at their Birthday party.

A flamboyant daytime party mixing music, performance, fashion, craziness…how are you preparing for Gold Diggers and is there anyone you’re particularly looking forward to catching?

I am super happy to be part of such an important celebration. I’ve been doing research everyday on my promo list and stores and I’m also trying on all my drag looks everyday to find the best outfit I am super into catching Rotciv’s set because he is one of my favourite DJs in Berlin. His sets always have a great energy and such classic style and the way he mixes is something you can’t afford to miss. He’s always mixing old school stuff with modern tracks but with a very, very strong identity.

A cross dressing DJ, what or who inspired you to go down this path? Do you DJ in drag 

This cross dressing stuff started in a very natural way – I never thought about doing it. Normally the Carlos Capslock’s parties always have different themes and I started inventing stories for my crowd about where I was really living once I started touring Europe a lot. So, I threw a marriage party and I decided to be the bride as I was going to Berlin and got married to a German girl to get my visa, and that’s how everything started. After this I started to realise that it’s very important to show up wearing drag in a country like Brazil, which has so many preconceptions and prejudices about homosexuals in general and also against woman. I decided to carry on with this more as a political stance than anything. Another big factor is that I also really admire women, how strong they are, the way their hair moves with the wind, their bodies and everything else. So, in a way it’s my tribute to them and I always try to look as natural as possible. My biggest muses are my Drag mother Ronalda Bi and Divine.

Originally from Sao Paolo in Brazil where you run the most avant grade underground party, Capslock, you are now touring Europe with your party coming to Egg Ldn, Berlin and Istanbul. How did you first got started? 

Thanks for your comments…I am super happy to hear you say that. And you’re right! Everything I’ve been through in my life has evolved in a very organic way, which is the same as everything in my career. I created the Carlos Capslock character as a joke with friends at an after hours.The idea was that everybody should have a character with the same initials as their first and surname. After this I started to show up as a nerd at some parties and do absurd jokes that would shock people a lot. Doing this I realised that it was also a great escape for my fears and problems and then Carlos went on Facebook. He is a deformer of opinions and also a keyboard designer and the main idea always was to criticise our life, the way we are so connected on the internet and people’s dependency on the pharmaceutical industry. So the thing got bigger and once Carlos Capslock (f**k off) was a theme for a party and after that I decided to transform Carlos into its own party and today I don’t really know what it is!  You could say that it’s more like an artistic intervention and political movement and that we are trying to show up with a new lifestyle, way to see the world, behave etc etc

You also produce music. Can you tell us how you started on this course?

I’ve started to produce 8 years ago at the same time I started D-ing and promoting parties in Sao Paulo. I was really focused on edits and creating new sounds but I realised that I needed to concentrate more on learning and developing DJ techniques and promoting parties. So I thought  maybe it would be best to focus on these two things so I can go deeper into this than shoot off in all directions. Three years ago I realised that I was getting to a good point in my careers (DJ and Promoter) and it was time to expand. So after my first tour of Europe in 2013 I started buying synthesisers and got into producing more. I kept my tracks only for me until they got really good and then I started playing them at my gigs to see peoples’ reactions and that’s the best thing for me.

 And what are the 5 highlights of your career so far?

1. My first tour of Europe in 2013 where I got to play 9 gigs at some of Berlin’s best venues including Wilden Renate, Sisyphos and Golden Gate among many others. As it was a DI tour, it was really satisfying.

2. When I was invited to produce the party for the Exhibition: Zeitgeist – The Art Of The New Berlin in Brazil (2015). To be chosen out of so may promoters with much more experience, it felt really good to be acknowledged.

3. When Kompakt asked my label (beside L_cio and Zopelar)l: MEMNTGN to be part of their team. They will represent and distribute our music and I can’t describe how happy I feel about this.

4.The Carlos Capslock 4th Birthday party with Isoleé. I never imagined that I would be so close to such a huge and great artist. The party was amazing and he really liked playing and it was a historic moment in my career.

5.To be invited by Egg London to play at their Gold Diggers daytime party to celebrate their Birthday. It such an important and influential club in London that’s really putting on different styles of parties and I’m super excited.

What’s coming up for you in terms of new projects and music?

I’ve several things coming up including preparations for a huge party in September with one of the best Techno artists at the moment. I can’t reveal who is it but people in Sao Paulo will go crazy about it. I’m also launching my label MEMNTGN this month and have a forthcoming release with Thousand Records featuring two great remixes from Fabrice Lig and Rodigo Pitta with participation of Ana Carolina and Elza Soares (a legendary singer in Brazil). She’s incredible not only for her voice but also for her engagement with human rights on her lyrics.

 6 Hot tracks 

1 – ‘Dog Day’ – L_cio (D.O.C. Records)

No words can describe L_cio’s geniality. It’s a perfect mix of references and the flute takes the track to a higher musical level. Amazing vibes on the dance floor.

2. ’Ressaquera’ – Tessuto

This is one of my demos that I’ve been playing for some months. The Juno bass line combined with the pads I’ve created and the long breakdown makes people go crazy on the dance floor. It always gets some screams and is my best track.

3. ‘Input Mode’ – Anderson Noise & Kleber

A perfect track that’s very simple and very effective. Its undulating rhythms make people go crazy

4 – ‘XXX (QDUT version – Sebastian Voigt, Tessuto, Zopelar, L_cio and Swift (MEMNTGN Records)

This track is surely going to be a breakout hit. The bells played by Zopelar and the great combination of artists at work create such an incredible vibe. I’ve been playing this for a year and people always go crazy.

5. ‘Triade’ – Traumer

This track is a masterpiece. 15 minutes and it’s not possible to get sick of it. A great combination of melodies, percussion and with a great whale sound, it reminds me a lot of the Pachanga Boys hits.

Touring in Europe I didn’t know that in Brazil. people were making fun of me because of a voicemail message sent to L_cio and Cashu that they turned into a track and a t-shirt! My Remix recreates the atmosphere of the original with undulating bass and vocals dropped into this hypnotic and epic song. At the end the vocal repetitions also make people’s heads explode

We should listen to Brazilian phenomenon: L_cio.

Paulo Tessuto plays the Gold Diggers daytime party on Saturday May 7th from 2pm at Egg LDN alongside Hannah Holland,  Pagano, Nic Fischer, Samantha Togni, Cathal, Tafkanik, Bamboo, The Roustabouts, Chicken, Alejandro Gocast, Strawberry K, Andy Adamson and Fidel. Special Performances from Candy Ken, Ray Noir featuring Mariann Rosa, Bambi Blue, Lewis G Burton, Amy Statik, Dopeboy and Sam Amant. Join the party at https://www.facebook.com/events/1536660546664698/ and click attending to be added to the Guest List.

20/04/16: This year’s Pride’s Got Talent competition is bigger and better than it’s ever been.

And for the past month preliminary rounds have been held in LGBT venues across London. For the spectacular semi-final we headed to South London’s finest cabaret venue.

Forget dancing dogs and middle-aged women singing I Dreamed a Dream, we were treated to a true smorgasbord of variety, including opera, live musicians, drag artists, impressionists, and a rather breathtaking burlesque unicyclist.

That’s got to be a first for the RVT. And it’s not often that is said. Host Michael Twaits got the evening underway with an unexpected rendition of The Ballad of Barry and Freda –  a brilliant tribute to Victoria Wood from Twaits.

The competition itself had a staggering twenty four acts competing for a place in the grand final. A panel of eight industry judges including RVT’s Catia Ciarcio and Mzz Kimberly offered constructive advice after each performance, and after a marathon of talent the qualifiers were chosen.

But who caught our eye on the night, I hear you scream? No, you’re not screaming that? Oh well, were gonna tell you anyway: Paul Bork’s stunning operatics and Lady Glamour Nouveau’s inventive and feisty lip sync/live performance.

Others (including a couple of vocalists) stood out, but the night was so loooooong and our disco damaged memories aren’t what they used to be so names escape us. But massive respect to them all, the standard was incredibly HIGH. The Grand Final is on 15th May at the Charing Cross Theatre.

[Show as slideshow]

Vauxhall Tavern

Words by Jason Reid

Photos by Joel Ryder

05/05/16: Can we just take a moment to celebrate one of the coolest bars that’s ever been?

Ever! Five years ago Circa landlady Alana Wintour (SIC) opened a little bar on Frith street with just some hot bar men, a few sequins and a big dream.

Half a decade later, Circa is not only one of the few independent gay bars we have left, but also one of the finest places for Sohocialites to ‘she’ and be seen.

The ever-growing roster of diverse DJ talent faithfully serves the homo-massive and commingled together beautifully on this epic 4AM sesh. Adam Turner’s hands-in-the-air house collided with Attack Attack Attack’s Shoreditch cool, with Jonathan Bestley’s post-gender disco bringing up the rear.

A huge shout out to the wonderful bar team, too. Hard-working, beautiful and always serving shots with a smile. The regulars have all had each other, and the newbies always have an amazing time. Circa’s one of those bars we should treasure.

Drags, fags, lads and hags all under one roof – it’s the epitome of what Soho and the gay scene is all about.

[Show as slideshow]

62 Frith Street, Soho, W1

Words by Lee “She’ll do anything for a fiver” Dalloway

Photos by Mark Storey

You know there’s a lot of these retrospectives going on, harking back to times which were apparently the best times to go clubbing.

Everyone’s got an archive of photos and film footage, a veritable who’s who of clubbers from bygone decades. And yes I love looking at archives but why do people keep saying it’s never going to be as good as it was then?

If you want to experience London clubbing now and actually witness for yourself all the amazing things going on and the people who make the magic happen in 2016, then get off your arse and get out there. Trust me there are places where age, gender, sexuality, dressing up or dressing down are all welcome.

Paying homage The Legend of Leigh Bowery on Thursday 12th May at The Glory and hosted by The Amy Grimehouse. Proving that there’s new and exciting events going on in London, it’s an inspired night with an eye fixed firmly in the present! Talks, screenings and disco happenings. Leigh would be thrilled! Starts at 7pm.

Hotting up for Eurovision? It’s so bad it’s good pop-pickers! Homostash – European Edition take a pre-themed party at the Dalston Superstore on Friday 13th May. Resident DJ’s and guests dance the night away over two floors from 9 till 3am.

Cracking on, feel the full Eurovision force over at The Glory on Saturday 14th from 7pm where Jonny Woo, Ma Butcher and Sue Ellen O’Ryan take over with a live screening, ‘Euro lipsyncs’ all night long plus after show party till 2am with DJ Mariano Robles all the way from Spain! Get there early, it’s going to be a road block and major fun. Doors open at 5pm btw.

Okay everyone, I’ve got an announcement to make! I’ll be DJing at The Club Mofo 13th Anniversary Party upstairs at The Garage, Islington on Saturday 14th May. Club Motherfucker, a queer DIY Indie dance party featuring live bands and PA’s got us through the 00’s ending in 2013. It set a platform for emerging bands such as Charli XCX and Bloc Party to perform their first gigs. So, in-keeping with their ethos, bands Skinny Girl Diet, Evvol and Frigs perform live. Other DJ’s include Jim Stanton and No Bra. 9-4am.

The one we’ve all been waiting for… Anal House meltdown at Vogue Fabrics (VFD). It’s become quite a legendary club with art stars under their DJ names GHL Please, Prem Deep and Twin Peakes taking to the decks from 10-3am.

One of my favourite tattoo artists Dominic Myatt is having an art show of his poignant, often humorous drawings on Tuesday 17th May, 6-9pm for one night only. Entitled Ridley Road Nudist Beach at the Doomed Gallery it’s actually on at 65-67 Ridley Road, Dalston. It’s a must if you’re up that way on said evening!

What makes gay art gay? What, exactly, separates Robert Mapplethorpe’s luscious anal portraits from Ruben’s bursting-at-the seams nudes? Why, sheer audacity and daring, darlings. Never, ever content to lie back and be stuffed, stultified and mounted for England, the gay imagination takes risks to die for.

Why not? All pre-out-gay art had to lose was mediocrity. Forget unreadable trash by the perfectly-named Anthony Trollope – Wilde’s Dorian Gray swamped shocked Victorians with sex, sin and sleaze. Let’s call it the Gay, Midas touch – any subject imaginable becomes pure, artistic gold when viewed by gay aesthetics and forcibly ripped from namby-pamby heterosexuals.

Still, like it or not, it was thrusting, straight artistry that largely shaped our present culture, but no longer – innovation is triumphantly queer. So no wonder every straight, deadbeat Damian Hurst wannabe quivers in his booties – straight, vanilla sex somehow never fuels fiercely shocking art.

How could it? Missionary coupling is like, so restrained, no writhing, non-stop, chemsex tsunami of suck ‘n’ f*ck. How could it be? The average, Sunday morning screw between British guys and gals is a raw, schizophrenic psychodrama of hated bodily functions.

Just imagine; how dare human biology insist our sloppy, ecstasy bits also wee and void poo? Incredibly, that’s enough to trigger nervous breakdown for some poor, non-gay souls, who’d simply die of embarrassment at seeing their genitalia in broad daylight. Sound familiar? It should – that’s the prissy, anal retentive texture that’s so adored by straight practitioners of the fine and performing arts worldwide.

Tough. Me, I’m with Oscar Wilde, who, blazingly unrepentant, declared, ‘All art is quite useless’, as in free of social or moral agendas. Who needs taste, good, bad, offensive or bland? To quote a poxy, modish cliché, art is what it is, but preferably as gorgeously filthy or filthily gorgeous as possible.

Wilde, of course, famously ‘feasted with panthers’, gleefully spattering the icily-starched sheets of the Savoy Hotel with consensual poop. On a vintage, chem-sex high – absinthe and laudanum, FYI – Oscar brazenly shat Vaseline on petty minds and morals. As deviant diva Diamanda Galas so memorably later said, ‘Give me sodomy, or give me death’, indeed!

So guess what? This month, you’re in for a feast. Sodomy, metaphorically, deeply shapes Jean Genet’s masterpiece, The Maids (Trafalgar Studios, 0844-871-7615 to May 21st) and Christopher Marlowe’s Dr. Faustus (Duke Of Yorks, 0844-871-7651 to June 25th). Finally, there’s director Robert Chevara’s astonishing revival of Tennessee Williams’ In The Bar Of A Tokyo Hotel (Charing Cross Theatre, 08444-930-650 to May 14th). Enjoy – you’ll eagerly devour every inch!

• Got surgically-urgent, arts and theatre news? Email mistermadam@hotmail.com.

International celebrity housewife Kasha Davis is a shopper, a lover of laughter and an old school humanitarian. When Kasha took time out to chat with me last week she was preparing to make her UK debut at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern with There’s Always Time For a Cocktail. Like many drag artists, Kasha’s success was far from meticulously planned: “I never imagined I would be doing drag! I studied theatre and dreamed of being on stage but chose the ‘practical life’ for nearly 20 years.” she revealed. “My passion has always been to help people and as a young child I didn’t have many, or any for that matter, honest representations of a homosexual lifestyle, that I was attracted to.” 

Undoubtedly best known for appearing on season seven of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Kasha told me how thankful she is for the experience.

“Today we have so much more support in the media and I’m proud to have the platform of RuPaul’s Drag Race to launch my story to bigger heights.” Delving into the idea behind There’s Always Time For a Cocktail she said: “I tell my stories with singing, humour and an occasional two-step, taking you up until today, with hopes that the audience can relate through the magic of lights, makeup and live theatre.”

As well as this being Kasha’s first time performing in the UK, it will also be the first time the Tavern has had a Drag Race artist taking to her famous stage. Of course, this pleases Kasha immensely, as she explained: “I often say that in a past life I was a court Jester who always dreamed of being THE QUEEN! What bigger dream come true than to bring my story to the historic RVT! PINCH ME and kick me too for missing the filming of the Ab Fab movie, where a thousand plus queens got to film a scene at the RVT with Patsy and Eddie!”

In-keeping with the theme of Kasha’s show, I finished up our chat by asking who she’d invite to her own personal cocktail soirée: “First on the list would be Dame Edna Everage, because once meeting her I have no doubt she’d find that my closet would be the perfect home for her collection of jewels and frocks upon official retirement. This party would seal the deal. RuPaul and Michelle Visage would undoubtedly regretfully decline due to their busy schedule filming season 9 of Drag Race.

“Latrice Royale and Shangela would be invited too and paid accordingly. We’d cackle at the antics of Shangie and dine to the soulful jazz sounds of Latrice singing from her album, Here’s To Life.

“Pearl would be resting in the other room along with Trixie Mattel’s make up brushes. Darienne Lake, Pandora Boxx, Ginger Minj, Tempest Dujour, Aggy Dune, Kennedy Davenport, Miss Richfield 1981, Robbie Turner, Delta Work and of course Chad Michaels and I would be dressed to the nines, but otherwise delighted and joyfully entertained by the contortions of body, as well as the stories told by Katya and Morgan McMichaels. Katya would have to leave early with one or several of the cooks and/or servers and Morgan would be way too busy to stay, because she’d have to get to West 5 ‘cause she’s a working woman.

“Everyone would be given an autographed copy of my Cabaret album It Take a Lot of Balls to Be a Lady, available on iTunes May 8th (plug, plug).

“Prior to leaving we’d tweet Derrick Berry links to Miss Fame’s eyebrow covering tutorials and tip Mimi Imfirst as she brings the cars around.

“Later that night we’d watch Alyssa Edwards tongue- pop her way to success on YouTube and then drift off to sleep at the endless display of horrific Facebook Live makeup application videos of countless queens across the world.”

• There’s Always Time For a Cocktail is at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern on 19/20th May. Tickets: www.vauxhalltavern.com

Self-proclaimed darlings of the London gay scene and denizens of the comedy underworld, queer comedy sketch troupe The Sex Shells are leaving their current home of Haggerston’s super-pub The Glory and heading to the seaside! 

As part of Brighton’s Fringe Festival this month, they’ll be debuting their latest production, ‘Going Down’: a glittering, twisted, all-singing, all-prancing look at gay life and, uh, gay death in the twenty-first century.

Scream helplessly as the three whoresmen of the apocalypse – Calum Mac, Dom Top, and Le Strange – end up where the homos go to fry. GAYDES, the Homo Underworld.

Setting the Shells’ depraved thoughts to music is the lethally talented pianist Rosie Thorn (aka Rose Lewenstein. As she journeys into the pits of Hell to find her fallen friends, she encounters a host of mythological mates along the way: inhabitants of a blackly sparkling hell of their own devising.

Pop princesses, dealers, cows, televangelists, time-wasters, gym-bunnies, jizz-cummies, three-headed bitches, psychics, haters, and see-ya-laters – all burn together in this anarchic circus, set to a wickedly clever soundtrack of re-written pop, theatre and movie tunes.

Expect to hear all-new interpretations of anything, from Disney to Britney, enthusiastically sung by the Shells themselves. Plus, get ready for the group’s signature razor-sharp observations about the gay scene, drug use, dating, mating and, well, anything else that takes their fancy!

If their previous full houses at The Glory are anything to go by, this one is set to be a musical comedy juggernaut, so batten down the hatches, Brightonians and be afraid. Be very afraid. Oh, and book your tickets now, yeah?

The question is, when damnation is this much fun, would you really want to be saved?

MEET THE SHELLS

Professional beauty Calum Mac started his showbiz career on the heterosexual comedy circuit, bravely sashaying through football-hooligan hang-outs in Arsenal and family pub dinners in Gospel Oak, boutique banker banquettes and south-of-the-river student bars, before finding his faggoty footing in Faggerston. A well-known stand-up comedian before he drifted into the murky world of sketch and musical comedy, this fruity Northern ingénue enjoys occasionally taking a break from comedy, writing, and film-making to be the creative behind several East London bars and performance venues. A visual artist himself, he is also the curator of a couple of too-yummy bijou galleries in Shoreditch.

Dom Top

Dom Top’s fiery lips and cherubic beard are a familiar sight on the scene. When he’s not belting out sassy paeans to the burly bodies of Barcelona in the Sex Shells, he’s hosting and DJing at bars and clubs around London, performing solo stand-up gigs, oh – and working at QX. Dom began his comedy career in 2014 with a stand-up show at Dalston venue Vogue Fabrics’ ‘Dark Fabrics’ showcase. He then went on to perform at numerous LGBT-alternative events such as “Mariah & Friendz” at Resistance Gallery, “Not Safe for Work” at The Glory, as well as entertaining crowds at the legendary Royal Vauxhall Tavern, the much-missed Madame JoJo’s and East End institution the Joiner’s Arms. You can also spot him coyly twinkling in advertising campaigns for London School of Barbering and television spots for Virgin Media.

Le Strange

Le Strange has been buried up to his glossy eyebrows in frippery, frivolity, and featre for some years now. After a strange spell as a child opera star in India, he started writing for the stage and performing at university as part of the Oxford Revue. With three critically acclaimed Edinburgh Fringe shows under his cummerbund, he fused with artist Ian Godden to form pop-and-performance-art double-whammy BOTHER, who perform at art venues and nightclubs around London, and whose videos have been shown at film festivals across the UK including The London Short Film Festival, The London Independent Film Festival, and Branchage International Film Festival. A published poet and regular club host, when not Sex-Shelling, Le Strange is also currently co-writing, designing, and performing in Kabarett Britannia with Rosie Thorn, and teaching English Literature at a London university.

Rosie Thorn

Beneath the skimpy sequinned playsuits of pianist Rosie Thorn beats the heart of an outrageous polymath. Not content with playing, singing, and acting in the Sex Shells, she is a dynamite musical director, composer, and playwright. Trained in Performance Arts at the Central School of Speech & Drama and Musical Theatre at the BRIT School for Performing Arts, she has played, performed, and pirouetted her way through a host of venues and cabaret nights, including the Battersea Barge, the Poetry Cafe, Shunt Vaults and at the Edinburgh Fringe. She is currently co-writing, musical directing and performing in Kabarett Britannia with Le Strange in London this month. As a writer, Rose Lewenstein’s full-length plays have been produced at the Royal Court, Theatre 503, Yard Theatre, Arcola Theatre and Southwark Playhouse. She is published by Nick Hern Books.

• The Sex Shells: Going Down opens at Latest Music Bar (14-17 Manchester Street, Brighton, BN2 1TF) on Sunday 22nd May at 8:30pm, then continues nightly from 23rd-25th May at 9pm. Tickets £8/£6.50 concessions.

• Book now at www.brightonfringe.org/box-office/shows/view/going-down

We all know Nicola Roberts is the best member of Girls Aloud. She is isn’t she! Well, she’s the most critically viable at least. 

She’s the only one who wouldn’t look like an idiot in a nightclub in Dalston. In fact she’s probably the only one who’s BEEN to a nightclub in Dalston. Cheryl probably thinks Dalston is a breed of dog, and Kimberley’s probably one of those awful people who goes “eeew I don’t want to go to Dalston, it’s scary!” and then continues to watch Come Dine With Me. The Kimberleys of the world are insignificant little nonsenses. Soz Kimberley.

Anyway, we’ve already done “career retrospectives” (lol) of the only other two members of Girls Aloud who matter – Sarah and Nadine. Sarah because she’s a total waster who always looks like she’s just got out of bed, which we love. And Nadine because she’s dangerously skinny and a fucking bitch, which we also love.

Now it’s Nicola’s turn! Now, Nicola is the only member we’ve had personal run-ins with. We’ve got LOADSA GOSS FOR YOU! Vicious tweets! Stony faced-ness! YES! So here we go, it’s the Nicola Roberts career retrospective!

2002 – 2009

Nicola was in the girl group, Girls Aloud. A largely unimportant and unrewarding part of her career.

2010

Nicola STRUCK OUT ON HER OWN! She released Beat Of My Drum, written by herself and Diplo. It was a stomping electropop sensation! Nicola cemented herself in the eyes of critics and audiences alike. Most importantly, the B-side of the EP (remember those?) was called Disco, Blisters & A Comedown…we’ve named our music column in its honour!

A bit later in 2010 

Nicola performed at T4 On The Beach. Not exactly a career high, but she was in close proximity to June Sarpong, so we’ve included it. She also performed at a gay night in London we’ve never heard of called “G-A-Y”.

2011

She worked with electropop pioneers like Dragonette and Diplo to produce an ouvre of pop perfection, by the name of Cinderella’s Eyes. Lead singles included Beat Of My Drum, which as we’ve already said was a solid gold banger, and Lucky Day, which would have been a good song if she hadn’t screeched so much. Well done Nicola! Needless to say Cinderella’s Eyes was critically acclaimed. NME said “Unlike the work of her fellow girls, there is some actual depth and wit here.” Cheryl must have been FUMIN!

2012

Nicola was chosen (CHOSEN) by Rihanna (RIHANNA) to be a mentor on Styled To Rock. We need to take a moment to appreciate the gravity of this situation. Being chosen by Rihanna is like being chosen for the hockey team by the most popular girl in school, times 10,000. Of course, Nicola remained the height of British stiff-upper-lipped decorum and composure. None of that screeching American nonsense. Good for you Nicola! Quite right too.

Later in 2012

She approached education secretary Michael Gove and implored him to combat bullying in schools. She also sent him her track Sticks + Stones to listen to, and think about how he’d been hurt in school, or how he’d hurt others. This is actually true. 

2013 

Really not much happened. She went on holiday to the South of France a few times, and had “brunch” at places like The Bluebird and SushiSamba. She wore lots of high-collared dresses and cut her hair. 

2014

Press officer of The Glory Jack Cullen spotted her leaving London Fields Brewery in a huff, and tweeted her saying “Just saw Nicola Roberts storming off, was it something we didn’t say?” A flurry of angry responses from Nicola ensued, in which she stated that she “didn’t have to say hello to everyone.” Nobody heard from her for months afterwards.

2015

NICOLA IS BACK. She’s at an event with East London DJ and friend to QX, Chema Diaz. He took a picture of her with a coat over her head, which we can’t find.

Later in 2015

Nicola gets a parking ticket. Oh well. 

Early 2016

Nicola meets an off-duty Vanity Von Glow at the opening of bar/restaurant Zebrano. Vanity invites her to Bombshell. She politely declines, gets in a taxi, and leaves.  

A bit later in 2016

Financing website mediamass.net published an article claiming Nicola Roberts was the highest paid singer in the world:
“The English singer has an estimated net worth of $145 million,” they said “She owes her fortune to smart stock investments and substantial property holdings. She also owns several restaurants (the “Fat Roberts Burger” chain) in London, a Football Team (the “Stamford Angels”) and has launched her own brand of vodka.”
Sadly, this is all complete and utter bollocks. 

Even later in 2016

The Mail Online posts a story about Nicola falling off her paddleboard whilst on holiday in Barbados. As Mail stories go, falling off your paddleboard in Barbados is quite a glamorous one. Well done Nicola.

Present

She is allegedly working on a SECOND ALBUM. The world (or at least, a few gays in East London) await it with baited breath.

This is our new GUILTY PLESHURES section! We know that’s not how PLESHURES is spelled, but we’ve written it like that for copyright reasons, because it’s the same name as a section in the Metro where they write about “TOWIE stars” and “celeb scandals” and “Rita Ora”. 
It probably would have been fine, but we didn’t want to risk it. You have to be careful with press laws these days. Hey Elton John, u ok hun?

This week, our GUILTY PLESHURES section is about gross men on TV soaps that we used to fancy, but were sort of embarrassed to admit it. But now we’re shameless slags, so we’re admitting it to the world! Or, at least, the London gay scene, which is basically the same thing. So here we go.

Kevin Webster from Corrie

Those oil-stained overalls! Those hairy forearms! He’s hot in a gross, Sunday afternoon Grindr shag sort of way. You’d sneak off to do it and tell your friends you were going to buy fags. We’re not surprised he had Sally swooning into the Shepherd’s Pie. Rosie, Sophie, go upstairs girls.
We wanna get BUSY!

Owen from Vicar Of Dibley

The Vicar of DILFley more like! There was something about Owen. Maybe it was his rugged rural simplicity that reminded us of our friends’ farmer dads in Devon. Maybe it was his lilting Welsh accent. Maybe it was his big manual labour-hardened hands. Love Owen. We’ve got a brand new combine harvester, AND OWEN’S GIVING US THE KEYS!

Phwoar! Dirty smelly socks scally vibes! He’d drive you to the McDonalds car park, shag you in the back seat of his red Renault Clio, then spit in your McFlurry. The sort of man who’d nick all the loose change from the top drawer of your bedside cabinet. And you know what…it’d be WORTH IT.

Patrick Trueman from Eastenders

There is SOMETHING ABOUT PATRICK. He’s an older gentleman obviously, but there’s something about his cheeky gold-toothed grin and soft accent that we just love! We feel like he’d probably be quite a lot of fun in bed. Got a few tricks up his sleeve, has our Patrick!

Jason was what we would describe here at QX as “a sort!” Oooh, he was a right sort was our Jase. Expensive cocaine and cheap aftershave. Fast, shallow cars and slow, deep fucking. Too far? Tanya Turner didn’t think so. And you know what. Whatever’s good enough for Tanya Turner IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR US.

Brock from Pokemon

Oh Brock! Pull my hair, spank me, steal my gym badges! We all fancied Brock didn’t we. Burly shoulders, and a propensity for BIG HARD ROCKS. One of was called Onyx. A gay night in Vauxhall is also called Onyx. INTERESTING.

The Gay Men’s Dance Company, or GMDC is, as the name might suggest, a dance company for gay men! It’s based in four locations in North, South, East and West London, so there’s NO EXCUSE not to go. Break out those legwarmers and put your carefully choreographed Britney dance routines to good use, rather than doing them clumsily on the dancefloor at 2am. 

It’s run by qualified dance teacher and professional dance dancer Alex Scurr (he’s also a sports massage therapist, possibly the most sought-after job in the gay universe).

“I started the GMDC in September with a class of about 24 guys,” he told us “I now have six classes of varying abilities in four locations across London, with around 150 members. I’ll be opening up at least 3 new classes in London this year and am looking at opening a branch in Brighton too. We’re heavily involved with Pride this year and have various performances coming up too!”

“What’s nice is that the social aspect of the group is also growing. I’m organising theatre trips, nights out, random events like bowling, crazy golf, paintballing. And I’m planning to get more involved with the community and charities.”

It all sounds like an absolute blast!

To get involved, go to facebook.com/gaymensdancecompany.

*HIGH KICK*

NEW THERAPY SERVICE LAUNCHED FOR LGBT COMMUNITY  

LGBTplus is a new psychotherapy & counselling service launched specifically for the gay community.

Psychotherapist, Stephen Hanscomb (MBACP) has worked in the LGBT community for many years, gaining experience across the sector within sexual health HIV/AIDS, sexual abuse and youth homelessness and has identified the need for a specialist service that really understands where gay men are coming from and the issues many face today, particularly around the areas of chemsex, porn and alcohol addiction.

He works with individuals on a one-to-one basis and his discrete service is confidential and totally non-judgemental.

“I feel gay men need a safe space in which to talk about serious issues affecting their lives today. They need to talk to someone who understands them, someone they can trust and rely on at a difficult time.

Over the past few years I have seen how addictive sexual behaviour around chems, porn and alcohol can not only ruin an individuals mental health stability, but their relationships and careers, and the situation, particularly in London, seems to be getting worse.”

“I feel gay men need a safe space in which to talk about serious issues affecting their lives today.”

LGBTplus can help the community in a number of specific areas including; Addiction, Sexuality, HIV/AIDS, Relationships, Gender Identity, Anxiety, Sexual and Emotional Abuse, Self Esteem and Depression.

Based in a discrete, comfortable office in Belsize Park NW3, Stephen sees clients weekly, for either short term or long term therapy.

“LGBTplus has been created to offer one-to-one counselling to anyone in the LGBT community who feels they want to talk to another gay person, who will give them the space and opportunity to open up about aspects of their lives they may never have discussed before.

The initial session is free of charge to allow us to get to know each other and then a fee is payable at a rate depending on the circumstances of the individual.”

• Stephen can be contacted on 0203 409 9578 or at stephen@algbtplus.co.uk www.LGBTplus.co.uk

This week, it’s all about FEMINISM. Well. Kind-of. It’s not exactly bra-burning, roll-your-own-tampon feminism. It’s Jennifer-Lopez-refusing-to-clean-the-kitchen feminism. Which is just as valid, in our eyes! But then, we’re gay men, what do we know. 

Jennifer Lopez – I Ain’t Your Mama 

JENNY’S BACK! As usual, at the beginning of the music video, she’s got about twenty minutes of “acting.” J-Lo angrily hanging up and stomping out of a rain-streaked phonebox. J-Lo blowing her fringe out of her face and looking crestfallen whilst drinking a cup of Lavazza coffee (LAVAZZA! YES, LAVAZZA COFFEE!

DID YOU CATCH THAT? LAVAZZA). Then there’s a sample of one of Hilary Clinton’s speeches and it becomes clear that J-Lo has lured us into thinking it’s the usual J-Lo dance breakdown fare, when actually it’s a FEMINIST ANTHEM!

It’s all about not cooking for your man, and wearing shoulderpads, and throwing typewriters out of office windows, and solving Rubik’s cubes in seconds. All of which she does, whilst looking flawless and doing a dance routine. Well done J-Lo! Your Nobel Peace Prize is in the post!

Ariana Grande – Into You

Now, I’m aware of what a strong, contentious statement this could potentially be, but I think this song might be the most significant moment in pop since Braveheart by Neon Jungle. I know. I KNOW. I would not say that lightly. When Neon Jungle broke up I didn’t talk to anyone for a week.

Anyway. I think it’s safe to say that Ariana is our next big diva. None of the other up-and-coming pop tartlets compete.

Taylor Swift is basically Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl, except less interesting. Demi Lovato seems scared to leave the house since the Met Gala. And Meghan Trainor…just…no (NO!).

So that leaves Ariana! And she is deserving of the accolade. Into You is SO major. It’s got Ariana’s trademark sultriness, and a quite a dark, threatening hook that I LOVE. Coming soon to a 5am Bethnal Green coffee table near you! Yes!

Nadia Oh – No Bueno 

As I often do, I’ve viewed the new releases rule more as a *Captain Barbossa voice* guideline than an actual rule. SO here’s an OLD release, that I discovered last week on Spotify! Hooray!

I’ve been absolutely loving Nadia Oh’s entire back catalogue! Don’t remember her? She did that Egyptian Lover song with Space Cowboy when pop music was in its bizarre but quite good CHERRY BOOM BOOM SYNTHY PLINKY TIMBALAND SHUGA SHUGA ON THE BEAT RED ONE phase.

Her album Colours has barely been heard by anyone, but I personally think it’s perfection! It’s not exactly chilled out, but I’ve been enjoying storming around sweltering London Fields to it in tiny denim cut-offs. My fave track is No Bueno.

Slutty reggaeton techno gorgeousness!