XXL creator Mark Ames celebrates his 50th birthday with a big, bold beary bang at Pulse this weekend. To mark the occasion (pun not intended, but there you go…) his partner James McNeill sent us a few fuzzy facts that you may not know about the promoter of the UK’s biggest bear brand…

1. When Mark was aged around six or seven he went to Butlins on the Isle of White with his family where his mum and her friends dressed him up as Shirley Bassey for the fancy dress competition – with full regalia. Having no idea what they had done and thinking he was dressed as David Bowie, when he won and went to collect his prize some kid dressed as the Lone Ranger called him a poof… so Mark punched him and the kid fell in the main pool and had to be saved. This made headline news in the local paper!  So you could say Mark was fighting for the cause way back then.

2. He’s an avid scuba diver with over 2,500 dives. One of his thrills is diving with sharks – great whites being his favourites – and has dived all over the world.

3. He’s a naturalist and loves gardening, with a great knowledge of natural British plants, and flora and fauna from around the world.

4. He’s a bee-keeper and produces his own honey. [Winnie the Pooh would be envious…]

5.  Mark is an active environmentalist – supporting and raising money and awareness for causes from fracking to saving the wolves in North America, to protecting polar bears and grizzly bears.

6.   Mark has worked at both Number 10 and the Whitehouse when in politics, but has signed the Secrets Act 1989 (c.6) so can’t comment on hotel activities at conference time…

Or saunas either.

7.   Mark was in a punk band at school and used to buy his outfits from Vivienne Westwood’s shop on the Kings Road and bought his iconic Westwood bondage pants and the t-shirt with the two cowboys with their dicks out from Marilyn in the shop. He was suspended from school for wearing it!

8.  He has 18 half brothers and sisters as his dad was quite the lad – and a couple of them have been seen at XXL!

9.  Mark deliberately lead Michael Heseltine into the ladies’ toilets at a party conference only to have the press waiting for him to exit.

10.  He has a political degree from Cambridge – despite being dyslexic and coming from one of London’s most notoriously bad schools. However, one teacher was right and told him he wouldn’t amount to much more than working behind a bar!

• Mark Ames celebrates his 50th birthday at XXL at Pulse (1 Invicta Plaza, Southwark, SE1 9UF) on Saturday 14th March, 10pm-7am.

Jessie Ware plays at G-A-Y Heaven this weekend and Patrick Cash caught up with her to talk Youtube plays, tough love, Prince William, Nicki Minaj and what exactly are champagne kisses… 

How do you feel you’ve changed since you started out?

I started out in the industry by invitation. I was a backing singer for my mate and it didn’t really feel like a job, it just felt very lucky. And then I got signed and it felt even more lucky and I freaked out a bit. Now I feel like it is my job and I’m comfortable with it, I’ve just grown in confidence. I’ve managed to have two albums out but I really haven’t been doing it for as long as others and I still think I’ve got lots to learn.

What do you rate more, YouTube plays or iTunes sales?

I guess you can see YouTube more, I don’t really know about my iTunes sales too much. Both are very sweet and it’s lovely to think that people are watching, even if it’s just audio and people are sharing that.

I was thinking how music consumption has changed from buying to streaming…

Yeah, but it’s so boring, the whole statistic side of things.

You never click on the Youtube link for ‘Say You Love Me’ and check how many listens it’s had?

No, I don’t. But maybe I will after this.

Okay, Tough Love is a phenomenal, beautiful album. How did you go about writing it? 

I wrote it whilst I was on tour and I went quite quickly from the first album into the second. I felt far more ready to be writing and so I didn’t want to stop. I’d found my voice a bit more and I was going through getting married. My confidence in songwriting and performing was really apparent on this record.

Is the next album going to continue in the same vein or will it be a different angle?

I don’t know yet. There’s something very satisfying about having the crowd sing back songs like ‘Say You Love Me’ or ‘Wildest Moments’ and I just want to write some great songs that people can enjoy in years to come.

Is there a particular person you think of when you sing ‘Say You Love Me’? 

Definitely my husband. We broke up for a while and it really reminds me of when we broke up, that gut-wrenching feeling of you don’t really want to do this but you kind of have to.

What are champagne kisses?

I wish it was expensive blowjobs, but alas, it’s not. Regretful decisions, unrequited love. And I like to combine two luxurious things such as kissing and champagne – oops! Sorry, I’ve got a new puppy.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so, so long, I’m glad that they’ve finally given me an invitation.”

What’s his name?

Stanley. He was named by Prince William. I met him in Shanghai last week at this great festival of creativity. I didn’t know what to say to him so I said ‘look I’m getting a puppy, we’ve got three names and we can’t decide, can you choose for us?’ And he chose Stanley.

How did the duet come about with Nicki Minaj?

I wrote that song for me actually but thought maybe it didn’t suit my record. It was played to Nicki and she wanted it. She kindly kept me on the hook as well, it’s amazing and she sings it very well.

Why do you think you have such a following amongst gay men?

Maybe it’s because I keep rabbiting on about my single gay brother: come to my show, you can meet him! He’s a catch, he’s about to qualify as a nice Jewish doctor. Very handsome. No, I’m very happy to have gay men as fans, they’re the best fans to play in front of, they’re so loyal and they’ve really made me enjoy performing…

And what can we expect from your gig at G-A-Y this weekend? 

I’ve been wanting to do this for so, so long, I’m glad that they’ve finally given me an invitation. I’ve tried to keep it classy, but I’ve also tried to give something to the boys that they would want. So a little bit of sass, that’s what’s going to go down. I think it’s going to be so much fun!

• Jessie Ware is playing at G-A-Y Heaven (under the Arches, Villiers Street, Charing Cross, WC2N 6NG) on Saturday 14th March, 10.30pm-5am. 

Before she arrives at the club,Disnay Chanel does her weekly shop, economy basics all round…

Swinging on every pole she finds on the way to Metropolis, in seasonly appropriate clothing, she arrives in good time for a night out with the girls…

Arriving at the strip club, Disnay ponders “is there something i’ve forgotten to do before I hit the pole?”

The first place any sane East Londoner heads at Savage is the pole, join Ted as he shows you how it’s done…

Oh heeey! Lewis Burton has arrived, and next to Amy Zing it’s like you can hardly see them, what with all the black they’re wearing…

Disco music is playing, poles are swinging and lazers are lazering, now, the most obvious next step is to snog a boy…

Oh hang on, Ted’s involved now too…

Meanwhile upstairs at the beach, Ted and Amy appear to be lost, pouting in an Ibizan sunset…

After a long night on the pole, Disnay is feeling hungry, and not just for an XL chocolate gent…

She does the only logical thing at 5am on Cambridge Heath Road, hits the chicken shop…

There is always time to pose with a meal deal before sunrise…

• Savage awaits you every Saturday (11pm-5am) at Metropolis Gentleman’s Club, 234 Cambridge Heath Road, E2 9NN. 

Photos by Leoni Blue

I led a double life in the late 1970s and early 1980s. I was coming to terms with being gay but at the same time I had girlfriends – and had not had a gay experience as yet. I grew up in a privileged world that, I think, allowed me to be ambiguous in my nature. My late teens and early 20s coincided with a time of tumultuous change – both uplifting and devastating. 

By Stuart Honey

I realise I was fortunate in the way I navigated through those years. That is not how I felt then. I was careful to be discreet. As I got older I dreaded the increasing number of invitations to my friends’ weddings and the inevitable ‘when is it your turn, Stuart?’ questions. I had a girlfriend, but it was long distance, and so that meant I was able to have a growing number of flings with boys, closer to home, until the inevitable choice… Then the break-up happened.

Generally, I was happy and optimistic, not least because of the opportunity to do my gay ‘growing up’ in New York from 1986 to 1993. Optimism was tempered by the reality of the AIDS epidemic and having grown up in a country where casual, almost institutionalized, homophobia was a daily occurrence; where Larry Grayson’s weekly appearance on BBC TV’s ‘The Generation Game’ was the ‘acceptable’ image of the limp-wristed homosexual.

There was a constant drip-drip of messages in society that gay is not normal, and although not illegal, was definitely not to be accepted. This did prey at the back of my mind. There must be something wrong with me, because society was telling me so. I didn’t want to ‘come out’ because I didn’t want to be bullied, ostracised or worse.

It was as if gay shame was an anchor forever stopping me from being truly the exuberant, open person I knew I was, and wanted to share with others. However, New York was the gay making of me. It was not just that it is the city it is, but I think it was the act of moving away from home that allowed me to experiment and gradually evolve into the person I wanted to be with the help of friends, gay and straight, around me.

Times were changing. I was part of Generation X, the post baby boomers; more heterogenous, accepting and embracing of social diversity.

I sexually matured just as AIDS swept through the generation above me. My age group, by no means immune, had some warning about the ‘Gay Plague’. We were more likely to be too afraid to have much sex, and have monogamous relationships.

I was 25 and my first proper boyfriend was 20. We had an East Village apartment and were together for four years. We hung out with older friends who dubbed us, I now realise wistfully, ‘the couple of the 80s’. I am glad to say, he and I still keep in touch through Facebook.

As I got older I became more ‘gay self-confident’. As happens, we grew up and grew apart. We broke up. Fortunately my life, since, has been marked by other important relationships and friendships. They have helped me to define who I am, as a gay man, allowing me to come to terms with that gay shame anchor and ease the dragging effect.

“It was as if gay shame was an anchor forever stopping me from being truly the exuberant, open person I knew I was.”

Fast-forward to now: I have striven to have a combination of good jobs, cool apartments and gorgeous boyfriends. Is this to help overcome any gay shame?  As Armistead Maupin says in ‘The Tales of the City’ you can have a combination of two out of three at any one time, but never all of them at the same time. Well, perhaps.

Should this be all we seek to attain? There are still some of us older types hanging out having a stimulating gay social life, mixing with all kinds and ages. Shame is self-generated. We have won many battles for gay acceptance and should work to accept ourselves for who we are. I have felt different kinds of gay shame at various times.

All of us have complex personal stories that explain our circumstances and how we got here. Should we still be having a ‘good time’ at age 53 – shouldn’t we settle down and not party so hard? Oh the shame of it, come Monday morning when we have to get back to work. It is the people around me who are helping me to realise it is ok to be who I am, working to cut that anchor.

Down below Waterloo station, in a graffti-washed subway tunnel, a snaking queue of chattering, smoking London theatre-goers amassed outside the Vaults Festival entrance.

The Vaults is quickly becoming a slice of Berlin subculture in the centre of London, five minutes walk from the Southbank but a parallel world away in thought. Here you enter a subterranean netherworld of bars decorated like secret forests, dreamers lounging in deckchairs and new theatrical ideas sparking in the night.

One such new idea, and the reason why the queue soared down the road last week, was Charlie Tuesday Gates’ taxidermy musical ‘Sing For Your Life’. I imagine most people assume anybody involved in the skinning and stuffing of animals fits the horror-movie bill of creepy old druid living in the woods, but Gates is a pretty, young artist, with a mission to raise awareness about animal cruelty through, erm, using their corpses as puppets.

She taught herself taxidermy through a trial-and-error basis (one particular error included a housing inspection where the inspector found a room full of rotting carcasses), and now has a team of friends ringing her whenever they spot fresh roadkill for her cast.

We began the show with a mid-twenties rah being interrupted from a shag by her dog: she slaps it in anger, at which point it escapes onto the streets where it encounters the omniscient Badger and the rapacious Foxy. Badg and Foxy are throwing the biggest, darkest show in all of animaldom, ‘Sing For Your Life’, and so the musical barks into all-singing, all-dancing death.

This is the only stage in all of London right now, and more than probably the world, where you’ll see three skinned supermarket chickens singing Britney’s ‘I’m a Slave 4 U’ about battery farming, or a Badger doing Nancy Sinatra’s ‘Bang Bang, You Shot Me Down’ about the ongoing cull. And when Slinky the sexy mink gets her kit off to get you thinking about wearing fur… Let’s just say, have a strong stomach.

There were bits and pieces of the writing that were a little rough around the edges, the plot wasn’t uber-strong, but for sheer ingenuity, brilliance and wit, this show needs to be seen to be believed. Charlie Tuesday Gates, we salute you and your dead.

• Charlie Tuesday Gates, The Vaults, Leake Street, Waterloo, SE1 8SW

www.vaultfestival.com / www.charlietuesdaygates.co.uk

By Dom Top

A

Arse

Where would we be without the arse? Probably masturbating into hot fruit or damp socks.

Apps

Where you find a dealer when none of your numbers are working. Also a good place to meet men for dates/sex/arguments.

Aromas

AKA ‘room odorizer’. Because everyone loves the heady fumes of isopropyl nitrite wafting around a room. Invigorating your senses, loosening your arsehole and giving you the world’s most evil headache if you leave them open all night. Also avoid contact with your upper lip, unless you consider “Impetigo Infectee” a look2try.

Autoerotic Asphyxiation

Sounds like being strangled by a Skoda, but you’re actually just choking yourself, so no worries about signing up to StreetCar. With a high potential for, uh, death, it’s possibly one to try with a chaperone (or medic) standing by.

B

Backstreet 

Both the most important boy band of the late 90’s and the name of London’s salacious cruise club, home to some of the most scintillating fetish nights south of the river.

The Backstreet, Wentworth Mews, London E3 4UA

Buttplug

Anal toy designed to strengthen the sphincter whilst increasing your anal cavity’s capacity.  Handy to have in your handbag in case of emergency, i.e. a long bus ride after too many burritos. PLUG IT UP!

Blue Door Dungeon

If you’re truly committed to making your fantasy a reality, then Blue Door Dungeon in Islington should be your first port of call. There’s a medical room, a puppy play area, wrestling room and even a fuck machine. All available for hire by the hour. Plus, most importantly, complimentary wi-fi.

www.bluedoordungeon.co.uk

Bussy

Portmanteau of the words “boy” & “pussy” and your new vocabulary word for the day. See also “munt”. I’m sure you can use your imagination with this one.

C

Cam 4

Broke? Exhibitionist? Well girl, you’re in luck, because horny bastards the globe over are probably willing to see you tug at your turkey or get railed by your randy Romanian roommate for cold hard cash on Cam 4!

www.cam4.co.uk

Clone Zone

Not a Star Wars cosplay convention but a one-stop spot to shop for all your sexual needs. Cock socks, corporal punishment devices and cute calendars all under one roof!

www.clonezone.co.uk

64 Old Compton Street, London W1D 4UQ

266 Old Brompton Road, London SW5 9HR

Club CP

Paddle-punishment party for boys who’ve been very, very bad. Your buttocks will be redder than Rudolph’s nose after a night here, though we don’t recommend using your arse as a satellite navigation system afterward.

Club CP is at Bunker Bar, 217 City Road, London, EC1V 1JN

Collared

Are you a freak on a leash? Pop down to the infamous Underground Club and you’ll find men more than happy to housebreak you and let you hump their leg.

Collared is 2nd & 4th Saturday of the months at The Underground Club, 37 Wharfdale Road, London,N1 9SD

Come to Daddy

Calling all bears, daddies, big boys, chubs and chasers! Come To Daddy is a weekly Thursday nighter at the Underground Club. Cruise, booze and dance for your papi with classic 70s and 80s dance, pop and NRG with contemporary booty shakers thrown into the mix!

The Underground Club, 37 Wharfdale Road, London,N1 9SD

Condoms

A little latex sock for your cock and your first line of defence against most sexually transmitted infections. Hilarious when you’re 11, a necessity when you’re taking home strangers in adulthood.

Crackstuffers

If your bussy is feeling a little barren, Crackstuffers have all kinds of foreign bodies available to fill it, from the fun to the frightening.

www.crackstuffers.com

Cruising

Cheerful 70’s film featuring Al Pacino becoming a leather daddy and solving crimes. Also a fun early-hours activity for public toilets and Hampstead Heath alike. B.Y.O. willies. Sorry. WELLIES.

CUM London

“Where the tastiest tops meet the best bottoms in the capital”. Billing itself as a man-on-man action party, CUM (sigh) on down to the SE5 Dungeon and see what’s in store!

Cum London is last Saturday of every month at SE5 Dungeon, Wells Way, London, England SE5 7SY

D

D.Vote 

Does rubber make you wanna rub one out? D.Vote have everything you could ever want on their brand new website, from a rather disconcerting Inflatable Alien Egg, which according to one satisfied customer “takes you back to the womb, literally” to a full range of new rubber gear just in time for summer!

www.dvote.com

Daddy

The sexiest word in the English language, bar none. We love you, daddy.

Dirty Heels

Alexandra Burke’s forthcoming grime follow-up to her 2012 magnum opus ‘Broken Heels’. Also a unique club night for non-drag inclined guys who still like to slip into a pair of stilettos and squirt.

Dogging

Like cruising but usually done in dirty Corsas by homely heterosexuals inhabiting the UK’s more rural areas.

Docking

Obscure sexual practice that involves inserting the head of the penis under your partner’s foreskin. Probably not one that’ll be on the agenda for kosher couples.

E

E-Stim

Wanna shock your cock? These guys can supply you with the goods, whether you’re a volt virgin or a current connoisseur!

www.e-stim.co.uk

Eagle London

If you go down to Vauxhall today…you should stop by the Eagle, Voho’s fiercely social boozer, home to all kinds of fetish fiestas and more!

Eagle London, 349 Kennington Lane, London SE11 5QY

Electrastim

If you just can’t keep your fingers out the sockets, indulge your electrical impulses and blow your damn fuse with Electrastim’s enormous array or products, perfect for the advanced electrohead.

www.electrastim.co.uk

Ejaculation

Why most of us are bothering with any of this hullabaloo, really.

Expectations

Great Eastern Street’s home of harnesses and hard-ons, Expectations won’t disappoint with their enormous array of, well, EVERYTHING you could hope for in the bedroom, the darkroom or the dungeon.

Expectations, 75 Great Eastern Street, London EC2A 3RY

Extreme Needle 

Want your peen pierced? Extreme Needle can hook you up with all manner of genital jewellery, as well as some pretty sweet tattoo art too!

Extreme Needle, 36 St Martins Ct, London WC2N 4AL

F

Feet

If playing with someone’s little piggies makes you pop a woody, you’re probably into feet. Don’t worry, you’re in good company, Quentin Tarantino loves to rub his Reservoir Dog over a set of trotters too! If you’re so inclined, Underground Club host a regular Feet on Friday event as well.

Fetish Freak

You’ll FREAK out (groan) when you see the selection of accessories and outfits that these guys have in store for you. Seriously though. If you’re into fetish, you’ll find what you need here.

www.fetishfreak.co.uk

Fingerbang 

A digital (meaning hands, not HDTV) delight most of us have experienced on a dance-floor, or in a club bathroom, or at a petrol station.

Fisting 

The fingerbang’s bigger, more invasive brother. Load up on Crisco and take a few Lamaze classes before attempting this one. Over the knuckle or it doesn’t count, boys!

Fitladz 

Vauxhall’s home of hot lads, happy to whip down their trackies and whack out their willies in the darkroom, after a bit of body shaking on the dance-floor. Sportswear VERY encouraged. Get your socks out!

Fitladz is every Friday at Barcode, 69 Albert Embankment, Vauxhall, SE1 7TP. 10pm-9am. £8 members, £10 guests

Folsom Europe Clubs

They’ve come a long way from the San Francisco street fair that started it all, now hosting fetish parties all over Europe and bringing a little California cruising to your backyard.

Freedom Shops

If stuffing handfuls of condoms from the jar on the bar into your pockets is starting to seem a bit sad, head over to Freedom Shop! Safe sex doesn’t need to break the bank.

G

Gag

Karmic punishment that usually occurs after drunkenly proclaiming you can swallow donkey dick whilst on a date. Also a cute S&M accessory.

Gerontophillia

When the geriatric set make you jizz. Come to (grand)daddy.

GUM Clinic

A great place to score free prophylactics, alongside a clean bill of health. Visit at least twice a year. Know your status. Relax.

Gummi

Rubber-dubbers should get down to Gummi in Vauxhall. Hosted by the Hoist, you’re guaranteed to find a like-minded man to bounce your body off of at one of their themed events!

Gummi is at The Hoist, Railway Arches 47b and 47c, South Lambeth Road, London, SW8 1RH

Glory hole

If you’re not fussed on faces and don’t care who owns the dick you’re playing with, this is the perfect setup for you. There might still be some in public toilets across the city, but take care before you peek. You’ll be looking at a fairly embarrassing trip to the opticians otherwise.

H

Hard On

Fetish lovers unite for this monthly meeting of minds, mouths and meat! Strict dress code apllies though, so fix up, look sharp and have fun!

The Hoist

Deep in the dark depths of Vauxhall lies the Hoist, home of Unkut Kurt and his brigade of big, bad boys in boots and not much else. Like leather? Rubber? Super strict dress codes? Welcome to your new spiritual home.

The Hoist, Arches 47b and 47c, South Lambeth Road, London SW8 1RH

Hotwired

THE ultimate annual fetish festival, where you can do the fandango with your favourite pornstars, watch some live sex shows and get your rocks off all in one weekend! Look out for the sports special coming in May!

I

Into Latex

Are you? If so, you’d do well to give these guys a look. They’ve got everything from footy socks to a full-on ‘Oops I Did It Again’ outfit. Just remember; talcum powder is a latex lover’s best friend.

www.intolatex.co.uk

J

Jizz

Spunk. Spooge. Joy juice. Beverage of choice for cumguzzlers everywhere. Best served hot. Can also be frozen into cubes and kept in the crisper for special seminal occasions. So we’ve heard.

Jockstrap

Athletic undergarment that should not be attempted by anyone with less than a C-cup culo. Please also remember to wipe thoroughly.

K

Kidnap

The ultimate dirty weekend away. Bespoke bodysnatching can now be arranged online for those hoping to indulge their fantasies, following a few too many tequila-fuelled viewings of ‘Taken’.

L

Libidex

Latex lover’s haven, catering for both boys and girls. So perfect when your drag diva alter ego needs a new wet-look leotard.

www.libidex.com

Lube

If you plan to put anything in your pum-pum, we’d advise stocking up on this, lest you leave your starfish looking like Seafood Surprise sandwich spread.

M

MA1 Club

Home to Saville Row-style fetish night Suited and birthday-suit celebration Buff.

Masturbation

The hand shandy. The knuckle shuffle. The visit from Mr Palmer and his five filthy friends.  A good, hard fap is the perfect way to spent an afternoon, a train ride or a tea break.

Medical

If you’ve always dreamed of your GP handing you a prescription for hot, hard dick and taking your rectal temperature in a more slightly more personal manner.

MEO online store

With inventory that includes Zipper Mouth Muzzles, speculums, “Ass Locks” and Cock Extenders you’re sure to find something in time for Father’s Day at German-based MEO. Explore your Meosexuality!

www.meo.de

N

Naked

Nudists, naturists and all clothing-averse individuals. Also the name of mid-90s TUNE by Louise Redknapp, née Nurding.

O

Oral

Sex with your gob. Three words: Watch. Your. Teeth.

Orgy

Sex with the whole class. Highly appealing in porn, logistical nightmare in person. Usually culminates in several bored people checking their phones in the kitchen while the hottest three have at it.

P

Piss-pig

An individual who watches someone take a slash while yearning to take a swig. There’s a “whatever urine to” joke to be made here….just give us a minute.

Prowler

Whether you want Aussiebum briefs or Aussie Butt Bashers on DVD whilst you’re skipping through Soho, Prowler can sort you out.

Prowler, 5-7 Brewer Street, London W1F 0AF

Q

Quickie

A fun way to spice up a boring wedding or garden party. Exercise caution though, statistics we made up say that 95% of penis fractures are quickie-related.

R

Recon

Fetish networking site with over 40,000 members and the hosts of Fetish Week London! Plus, an online store with all manner of accoutrements too for your playtime with your new pals.

www.recon.com

Regulation London

Gas masks, ballgags, boots, blindfolds and even anal electrodes, Regulation offer a staggering selection of implements to help you take control, Miss Jackson.

www.regulation-london.com

Rimming

To quote a pal; “A kiss on the arse may be quite continental, but hygiene is a gay’s best friend”

S

Sauna

Sort of like a day spa, but with a different kind of facial available. Also delightful place to while away the hours between lights on and first train home.

Safety Word

Your opt-out phrase during rougher play. It’s best to use something totally nonsexual, like “fiscal responsibility” or “Nigel Farage”.

SkyHi

The SkyHi boys’ selection of synthetic schlongs will have you shooting skyward! How far will you stretch?

www.skyhi.me.uk

Smoking

A fit fella smoking can be extremely sexy, but if you plan on inserting that cigarillo into your slit, you might want to let it dry out in the airing cupboard after, before you spark up.

SM Gays

If you wanna be trussed up like a turkey on a Christmas table, SM Gays can provide info on everything from ‘erotic abrasion’ to mummification.

smgays.org

Steelwurx

The masters of metal, supplying you with sling frames, suspension devices, clothing and cages. Perfect for those who need to crate their pups at night.

www.nbound.co.uk

T

Ted’s Place

Super social bar in Fulham, run by the fab & friendly Ted. T-girl night is on Thursday, as well as sportswear and cruising events the rest of the week.

Ted’s Place, 305 North End Rd, London W14 9NS

Top

Near-extinct breed of gay man. Impersonators can be found everywhere, but the real deal is like gold dust.

U

UKRed

Are you the King of the Slingers? UKRed will make sure you have a fitting setup.

www.ukred.com

V

Vault

Lock yourself in the Vault! With twelve hours of cruising, seven days a week, you’re bound to find a willing cellmate. Plus, you even get a free drink!

Vault London, 139-143 Whitfield Street, London W1T 5EN

Vagina

Straight and bi guys seem pretty enthusiastic about this one. Different strokes, different folks…

Walk of Shame

The free spirit’s favourite form of morning exercise. Standard attire includes some form of mesh top, a baggie stuck to your booty shorts and a bewildered expression as you try to ascertain where the nearest Overground station is.

X

XXX 

Need a little pocket money? Don’t mind getting pork-poled on camera? Add this to your username on Twitter and the porn studios will come a-callin’! (Success may vary…probably dependent on penis size)

Y

Yellow

Another watersports/piss play term, although if yours is coming out a shade of amber, you may need to break out the Brita filter ASAP.

Z

Zaftig

Meaning “pleasingly plump” and often used to describe a sexually enviable figure (bubblebutt boys take note).

12/03/14: Few QX interviewees have generated as much a polarized reaction as Katie Hopkins. My interview with her last week (read it here: www.qxmagazine.com/feature/katie-hopkins) drew equal levels of high praise and snarky venom. After last year’s run of RuPaul’s Drag Race guest judges the re-launch for 2015 needed somebody ready to dish the disses and tell it like it is, and who better than the UK’s most outspoken voice, Katie Hopkins?

Hopkins labeled opening act Joshua endearingly as a “chunky monkey”, advising him that “Gym is not some bloke you try to chat up at the pub.”

Co-judge’s Baga Chipz weren’t ones to be outshone by Hopkins though as sassy girl Carrie took to the stage and bared all – tits and minge and all. “I get really embarrassed when I see a fanny. It’s like a little money box,” Baga quips.

“I don’t think there’s anything worse than when you get your cock out to an audience and there’s no reaction,” says resident judge Mary Mac later on when one poor male contestant fails to get a cheer from the audience.

Jeremy turns to Hopkins, “What will it take for a contestant to get a 10?”

“Just someone to rub their knob in my face,” she replies. But it appears none of the contestants are brave enough to take her up on the offer.

Baga pulls in the most laughs with her cutting comments: “You’ve got a cock like a fish finger. That’s frozen.”

Oh yes! Bitching, Baga’s trademark “I’ll lick you out like a Cadbury’s Crème Egg” and Mary Mac’s massive vocal acrobatics all mean one thing… Porn Idol is back. Thursdays will never be the same again.

[Show as slideshow]

Heaven, Villiers Street, WC2N 6NG.
Words by Clifftina Draguilera
Photos by Rob Cable, cableimage.com

14/03/15: We’ve been massive Jessie Ware fans since she burst on to the music scene, so when we heard she was taking to the stage at Heaven, we were there with bells on. Well, not actual bells… Which begs the big question, what do we Ware?! We opted for: smart enough to impress, slutty enough to pull. We got ourselves warmed up in the R&B/pop room before Jessie unleashed some of her Wildest Moments onto an eager crowd. It seems we weren’t the only gays that were big fans, do you know how many queens we had to squeeze through to get to the front?! We can’t say we were surprised when her ethereal vocals sent goosebumps Running down our arms. She’s one of those artists that can captivate an entire venue on the first note. Jessie then had the whole venue skanking along to Imagine It Was Us, before putting the breaks on again for Champagne Kisses. She topped off an amazing set with Disclosure’s remix of Running - and it’s safe to say the audience was left on a high note. But definitely not ready to stop dancing yet… And when we finally were, the night wouldn’t have completed without an obligatory, rowdy trip to Charing Cross McDs. Come back soon, Jessie!

[Show as slideshow]

14/03/15: It was mighty craic last Saturday night at the steamy hot Pulse club where XXL hosted their St Patrick’s Day mayhem! Everyone was in the mood to celebrate the Irish in them, enjoying a pint of Guinness in the lounge or getting down and dirty with a hot leprechaun in the dark chamber. 

The king of all bears and owner of XXL, Mark Ames, also celebrated his 50th birthday so there was no excuse for us not to party. It was a night to remember! The thing we like the most about XXL is that everyone is welcome, bear or twink, you are guaranteed a brilliant night at this easy going club night. Even one-off visits from drag legends like Maisie Trollette.

Everyone up for some party-pumping action got down to Pulse club to get Miley on that dance floor!

[Show as slideshow]

Words by The Soho Bitch Project
Photos by Joel Ryder
Pulse, 1 Invicta Plaza, Southwark, SE1 9UF

14/03/15: This Saturday we got our dancing shoes on and headed to The George and Dragon for a night of cabaret conundrums and disco floor thrillers.

Queen of cabaret Lola Lasagne waltzed on stage in her sparkling sequin number; to deliver some cabaret carnage and crude humour to her Greenwich regulars.

Our sexilicious diva began her night of antics by going around the tables to find out a bit more about her guests. One unlucky audience member was even dragged on stage for a special duet performance. Unbeknown to Ms Lasagne, she pulled up one of our QX journos!

A few jaege and skittle bombs later, our diva of drag sung some ole time classics including ‘Oom Pa Pa’, ‘and Oliver Twist‘s, ‘Consider Yourself’.  Our Lola delivered a sensational performance, which had the gays and lesbians asking for more.

Seconds were served as our cabaret princess sang ‘Stand By Your Man’ and favourite, ‘Don’t Tell Mumma’. A well-deserved standing ovation was given to Ms Lola for another drag-tastic and chaotic evening.

As the cabaret curtain closed, the fags took to the stage for an all night partay of RnB, pop and disco floor classics all the way to 4am!

[Show as slideshow]

THE IMITATION GAME is a biopic of cryptologist Alan Turing and his heroic war-time efforts at Bletchley Park who is only now being given the recognition he is due. QX looks back into history and highlights other lesser known gay heroes…

Alan Turing (1912–1954)

Alan Turing was a pioneering British computer scientist, mathematician, logician, cryptanalyst, philosopher and mathematical biologist. During the Second World War, Turing worked for the Government Code and Cypher School (GC&CS) at Bletchley Park, Britain’s code-breaking centre. For a time he led Hut 8, the section responsible for German naval cryptanalysis and created the Turing Machine which decrypted the “unbreakable” German Enigma code.

Turing’s pivotal role in cracking intercepted coded messages enabled the Allies to defeat the Nazis in many crucial engagements, including the Battle of the Atlantic. It is said by some historians that Turing’s work at Bletchley Park shortened the war by two to four years and saved approximately fourteen million to twelve million lives.

Nevertheless, Turing led a sheltered and castigated life due to his homosexuality. Whilst he was briefly engaged to fellow Bletchley Park worker Joan Clarke, it was a purely platonic relationship and they soon divorced. Turing was prosecuted by the police in 1952 for homosexual acts, when such behaviour was still criminalised in the UK. He accepted treatment with oestrogen injections (chemical castration) as an alternative to prison and became incredibly depressed. He committed suicide in 1954.

Turing’s wartime heroics were not celebrated until he received an official pardon from Prime Minister Gordon Brown in 2009 following an internet campaign, and then a further royal pardon from Queen Elizabeth II in 2013.

Sergei Diaghilev (1872-1929)

Sergei “Serge” Diaghilev was a Russian art critic, patron, ballet impresario and founder of the Ballets Russes, but also one of the first outspoken and unapologetically gay men of the early 20th century. Sergei Diaghilev reshaped that epoch’s ideas about art and performance, and was a pioneer in adapting new musical styles to modern ballet.

He created the Ballets Russes mainly as a showcase for his lover and protégé Vaslav Nijinsky, who is still considered one of the greatest dancers who ever lived. Diaghilev had exquisite tastes, bringing the work of such artists as Balanchine, Picasso, Pavlova and Cocteau onto the stage in his cutting-edge productions, which were often unabashedly erotic.

After the Russian Revolution of 1917, Diaghilev was condemned as an especially insidious example of bourgeois decadence and his contribution to Russian art was written out of history by the Soviets for more than sixty years.

Bayard Rustin (1912-1987)

Bayard Rustin was the brain behind Martin Luther King Jr. and the civil rights movement in 1960s America. Rustin was one of the driving forces behind the Congress for Racial Equality and the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). Most significantly, Rustin organized the 1963 March on Washington — where King gave his legendary “I have a dream” speech.

However, due to his homosexuality and his membership in the Communist Party, he has often received short shrift from historians and his integral role in the civil rights movement is often overlooked. At the time, Rustin selflessly avoided the limelight because he knew that elected officials and politicians would attempt to discredit the civil rights movement by pointing out his sexual and political leanings.

Rustin was also heavily involved in the anti-–Vietnam War and gay rights movements before his death in 1987.

Larry Kramer (1935-present)

Every movement needs a voice of anger and righteousness, and when the AIDS pandemic hit, the gay community was lucky to have Larry Kramer, whose editorials and plays (particularly The Normal Heart) demanded that the government take action and that gay men take responsibility for their health.

A fascinating author and a rabble-rouser in the best sense, Kramer continues to be a vital and often infuriating presence. Kramer co-founded the Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC), which has become the world’s largest private organization to raise funds for and provide services to people stricken with Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS).

Harvey Milk (1930–1978)

Harvey Milk was an American politician who became the first openly gay person to be elected to public office in California when he won a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisor.

Milk moved from New York City to settle in San Francisco in 1972 amid a migration of gay men to the Castro District. He ran unsuccessfully for political office three times. Nevertheless, his theatrical campaigns earned him increasing popularity, and Milk won a seat as a city supervisor in 1977. Milk served almost 11 months in office and was responsible for passing a stringent gay rights ordinance for the city.

On November 27, 1978, Milk and Mayor George Moscone were assassinated by Dan White, another city supervisor who had recently resigned but wanted his job back. Despite his short career in politics, Milk became an icon in San Francisco and a martyr in the gay community. In 2008 a Hollywood biopic Milk, starring Sean Penn, honoured Harvey Milk’s transformation of San Fransisco into a mecca for LGBT Americans and in 2009 Milk was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

• The Imitation Game is out now on Blu-ray, DVD and digital download platforms now, courtesy of StudioCanal.

The first battle is won against the war being waged by property developers on Soho and its spirit. 

By Patrick Cash

Westminster City Council’s planning committee has refused a planning application to a proposed development of much-loved Soho gay bar The Yard. The landlord had wanted to turn The Yard into, well, not a yard by covering the space with a glass canopy and excavating a large basement.

The work would have destroyed large parts and many vital features of the last remaining stable in Soho, including an original Victorian brick wall, sash windows and original timber flooring and courtyard. When refusing the scheme, Councillor Andrew Smith called the building ‘a rare survival of its type’ and ‘an important relic of old Soho’.

Andy Jones, owner of The Yard, said: ‘I am so delighted that the application was refused. The Yard contributes significantly to the character of the area and to the Soho Conservation Area. It must be protected for future generations.

“Over 800 letters of objection were received from residents, customers and the greater Soho community.”

‘I would like to thank everyone for their continued support throughout the campaign. Over 800 letters of objection were received from residents, customers and the greater Soho community. Support for the campaign has also flooded in from across the globe. Committee member Angela Harvey commented that objections had been received from countries as far away as Agentina and New Zealand.’

Manager Chad was similarly chuffed, calling the decision ‘an incredible result and an even more incredible response from the local community, customers, our local councillors and indeed Westminster Council in general.’

And the Council went on to state how bars, both gay and straight, are part of Soho’s heart. ‘We need to preserve these businesses or risk Soho becoming just another homogenised city centre,’ said Jonathan Glanz, West End ward councillor. ‘The Yard is a successful, well-run and popular part of the community’.

However, this is only the first step in protecting this building, the press release warns. A second application has been submitted to build flats above the premises, resulting in the loss of the historic stable roofs. We will keep you updated on all the progress of the second battle as it happens!

• The Yard is at 57 Rupert Street, Soho, W1D 7PL. 

• A campaign group to save the spirit and community of Soho is available to join at www.savesoho.com

• To object to the second application please email centralplanningteam@westminster.gov.uk and quote 14/12447/FULL and include your postal address for your objection to be registered.

14/03/15: It was steel chrome and that 70s feelgood type of sound at the Metropolis, this Saturday gone – a strip club that’s become one of East London’s latest venues to throw it’s doors open to gay revelry, and revelry there certainly was!

Savage is the new East London experience – a friendly, fresh feeling night in a slimline flashing pink, blue and silver venue that spirals upwards to a themed VIP section, overlooking a glowing elevated dance floor below. With a funfair car thrown in for good measure. Metropolis is like a slightly risque Barbie doll house –  well worth giving a whirl for any wild, young thing who likes to play. With entry at just £5, and DJs comprised of the recognizable Raf Daddy, Jonjo Jury, Josh You Are, Gaff-E and Severino – Saturday nights at this Bethnal Green bop-stop will certainly find a fond turnout in no time.

[Show as slideshow]

Metropolis Strip Club, 234 Cambridge Heath Road, E2 9NN
Words by Yaf Brown
Photos by Luxxxer 

14/03/15: DISHevelled, DISHtroyed and DISHabled. That’s the only way we can describe ourselves after the 3rd birthday of this East London institution. After gorging our bodies on fresh beats, served hot and hard, as well as exerting ourselves with the many, many… Many beautiful boys in attendance, we’re going need a little recovery time.

Whether it was the main room with the maestros Tom Stephan and Borja Peña plus the super-special guest ALINKA serving you Chicago-style, the Side Dish with tech beats from Homostash hottie Tafkanik or the aptly-named TapAss room with Prince of Darkness Ray Noir and siren Samantha Togni, there was nowhere to hide from amazing aural pleasure.

It wasn’t just the music, with a house full of hot disciples, a DISH photo exhibition and so many gorgeous go-go boys and hosts gyrating, we strained our eyes on the sheer amount of visual Viagra on offer. Plus, when La Pequeña sets her sights on you… You’re never going to escape unharmed!

Three years ago they came hungry, and after tonight, we all leave happy. Thank you, DISH, from the first bite, to last Saturday night at East Bloc, you are always nothing less than delicious.

[Show as slideshow]

East Bloc, 217 City Road, Shoreditch, EC1V 1JN
Words by Dom Top
Photos by Mark Storey

GMFA and sexual health centre Burrell Street join forces to provide gay men with advice to make their chems use safer. 

By Patrick Cash

Following the hospitalisation and subsequent death of a man in a gay sauna last week, gay men and chemsex have been all over the media. Although this man’s death has not been explicitly associated with chems, publications like the Evening Standard have been quick to print pieces mentioning in the same breath how three men died at the same sauna in 2012 from GHB overdoses.

Whether the latest, tragic death was related to chems or not, it’s ignited a debate across social media. Some are shrieking that saunas should be closed, others point to a deeper demon of chems and sex. But the sad fact that we can be certain of is that people, gay men – our gay men on our gay scene – are dying from drugs, and not because they visit a sauna.

So, it’s important news that gay men’s sexual health charity GMFA and sexual health centre Burrell Street have launched ‘Safer Chems’ this week. A campaign and web resource to reduce the harms of chemsex, it will provide information on safer dosing, safer sex, advice on how to stay in control of your sex life and emergency information (calling an ambulance, where to get PEP).

“What we wanted to do is present something different to the ‘just say no’ style of campaigns that are out there.”

‘What we wanted to do is present something different to the ‘just say no’ style of campaigns that are out there,’ says GMFA’s Campaigns Manager, Liam Murphy. ‘Someone who is having chemsex but still managing to maintain a career, friendships and a “normal” life outside of their weekend fun, may not identify with that message of danger.

‘We wanted to create a web resource that chemsexers can go to get more information about what they’re doing and make an informed decision about their own sex life and drug use. We want gay men to enjoy their sex life the way they want, but to also show it may affect their physical, sexual and mental health in the long-term. The campaign provides guidance to help men reduce their risks as well as support for men who want to cut down or stop their drug use.’

Burrell Street attests they wanted to get involved in the campaign after seeing a huge increase in gay men seeking PEP after chemsex, and that it has to take a realistic approach to the fact that chemsex is part of some men’s lives. And one of the best parts?

The campaign’s already been taken on by many saunas and clubs. Here’s to the organisations actively trying to reduce harm in gay men’s lives, and to stop tragic deaths.

Medical emergencies occurring in gay saunas have been in the press recently. QX peers through the steam to ask whether the sauna culture is a gay relic of days gone by or a queer institution that still has a relevant place in our community…

Last week a 37-year-old man was taken from Pleasuredrome in Waterloo by ambulance to St Thomas Hospital. He died at 3.40pm, in circumstances that have been treated as unexplained, awaiting a post-mortem toxicology report. However, it’s sparked a debate across gay social media about past incidences at the same venue in 2012 and more recently at venues like Chariots in Vauxhall. The police have also been found to be swooping on other south London venues recently, not just saunas, doing walk ‘rounds in the middle of club events such as Fitladz at Barcode and Eagle London.

When any ambulance is called to a venue, GBL or GHB is usually assumed by most clubbers to be the likely drug involved in the incident. ‘G’ is frequently used in chemsex. It’s a major nervous system depressant and therefore its measures and timings of dose are very important. But time and how much liquid is in your pipette becomes a bit of a slippery, swaying tightrope when you’re high. St Thomas Hospital treated 270 G-related casualties in 2010 alone.

Yet the discussion is focusing not on GHB and its dangers, but on the saunas. Charles Hill, owner of Pleasuredrome, said it was too soon to draw any conclusions about the incident: “At the moment there is not much to tell. The gentleman was not a regular. He was found looking quite ill in the cooler of our two dry saunas by a member of staff who was ‘doing the rounds’. There were three first aiders on duty at the time and the London Ambulance was promptly called. We began to treat the customer under telephone instruction from LAS who arrived very quickly and took over.”

He continued, “LAS removed the customer to hospital where he passed away later in the afternoon. As yet there is no knowledge as to what he died of. It could be totally natural, it could be the result of prescription or other drugs, we simply do not know and it is idle – and grossly unfair to the deceased and his family – to speculate. All may well become clear when the toxicology report comes through, but this might be some months away.”

Some voices are calling for saunas to be closed claiming they are outdated, outmoded dens of vice. Others are saying this is the policing of gay sexuality at the expense of the real problems; those G statistics at St Thomas didn’t all come from Pleasuredrome, but from across the south London area, people’s private chill outs as well as nightclubs. But seeing as it’s evidently a topic that gay men have a lot of passionate opinions on, QX decided to bring you the arguments for and against gay saunas.

MATTHEW HODSON 

Chief Executive GMFA
www.gmfa.org.uk

Since we’ve been collecting data on such things, the proportion of gay men who have lots of sexual partners has remained fairly steady. Closing gay saunas down wouldn’t stop this from being the case. Saunas at least can give organisations who are concerned about reducing sexual harm some opportunity to reach gay men with information, about sexual health and HIV prevention, and ensure that condoms and lube are provided.

It’s harder to do this when people are organising impromptu sex parties in their own home. Guys can become HIV-positive in any setting where you have sex. There’s no real doubt that some people have become HIV-positive because of sex they’ve had in saunas, but it’s likely that more gay men have become positive because of sex that they’ve had in the bedroom, as people are less likely to use condoms when they feel emotionally intimate with their partners.

There is increasing concern about the number of cases where men show up at clinics, following a drugs bender, confused as to whether or not they’ve even had sex, or cases where it’s clear that they have had sex but have no recollection of it. Sex should be about doing what you both want to do. Unfortunately, non-consensual sex can occur in any number of settings, including private parties. At least at a sauna there should be staff to hand, at a sex party there may be nobody there who’s sober at all.

Some saunas work hard to look after the health of their clients, including offering HIV testing on site and making sure that there are plenty of condoms and lube easily accessible, wherever you are in the sauna. Responsible saunas also ensure that staff are trained to be able to provide information to customers if they need it, and can look out for people who may be vulnerable. Having posters on display can help remind people to take care of themselves and their sexual partners.

It’s all too easy to make judgmental pronouncements about anyone who has more partners than you, but I don’t think it’s helpful. If saunas aren’t your thing, that’s fine, but for a lot of gay men, including men that may not identify as gay, saunas provide a relatively safe environment for them to explore their sexuality.

I think that because gays are a minority within society, it’s easy for many of us to feel scared that we’re all being judged because of the way that others in our community behave. You see it with gay men who get angry about other gay men who are a bit camp, and it seems that we’re seeing it more often recently with a kind of slut-shaming attitude towards men who use saunas, or hook-up apps. If someone who’s gay does something that I wouldn’t want to do myself, I don’t feel that it says anything about me or my behaviour. I don’t feel it’s useful to get moralistic or proscriptive.

NICOLAS McINERNY

Writer and Dramatist

Growing up in the Home Counties before being sent away to a boarding school in Sussex at the age of eleven, I’m not sure when I became aware of the sauna  – and its connection to the gay demi-monde at the time. Life in the 1970s wasn’t very body conscious in the way we are today – and even a traditional sauna would have been seen as an indulgence.

Given this fact – and also given the difficulties gay people faced at that time – it remained both a fascinating and a shameful place. As a young closeted teenager no doubt my mind would have raced to imagine such sticky possibilities, but I would never have dared to enter such an establishment.

The sauna at that time seemed to cover various worlds – the communal, the sexual, the hedonist, the health freak – but still conveyed the thrill of being the outsider, the transgressor. The promise of easy sex further cheapened the idea but also gave it a kind of tawdry glamour. As least for the few hours where at a sauna you could be who you really were. For a lot of men at that time it must have been a small ray of light.

Nowadays with the rise of hook-up apps, the internet, and a much more accepting environment the sauna’s relevance has been questioned. Sure, you can never argue against the need to scratch that itch, but aren’t there much better places to do it?

But we all live in virtual communities, where an online presence is considered more ‘real’ than an actual one, where Twitter is the way we have conversations, and Facebook’s apparent magnanimity hides deeper and more controlling motives. All these things seek to connect us, but ultimately serve our deeper sense of isolation.

“The gay sauna will also have a core agenda – sex. But curiously it’s also a space which can encourage community – and thus still make a contribution to gay life.”

Now, you can have a perfectly lonely experience at a sauna, I grant you – but there is at least the semblance of some kind of community – with an agreed etiquette and rules of behaviour, where there is the possibility of achieving real intimacy, perhaps friendship, perhaps even something more. Gay people are famously good at creating their own communities, and the sauna is a crucial rite of passage, where important lessons can be learnt about oneself – negotiation, expectation – that are learnt in the presence of others.

It is also important in the great social networking age of Apps Galore in which you can dial a dick without breaking a sweat, to inject a vital note of humanity. We live under the shadow of the body beautiful, which strangely finds another outlet in Scruff, Grindr et al, where you are presented with banks of toned torsos.

If you go to a sauna, you at least have the chance to scrutinise what you are about to have sex with, rather than open the door to someone who now looks like Worzel Gummidge. For the older man, or the one just embarking on a journey of exploration, it’s also a neutral space with familiar faces – and where he can learn important lessons about sexual health.

The gay sauna will also have a core agenda – sex. But curiously it’s also a space which can encourage community – and thus still make a contribution to gay life.

DAN GLASS

Activist

It’s easy to blame a gay man who is lying face down on a sauna floor for his own demise. It’s much harder to listen to why this happened in the first place.

Some people are calling for all gay saunas to be shut down following the latest incident at Pleasuredrome. The LGBTQI community has a rich tradition of critical thinking – so here goes. Will closing down saunas rid society from the consequences of self-destruction and marginalisation? Or will these pathologies pack up and move elsewhere? In society, can we collectively break the cycle of tackling the symptom of everything and the root cause of nothing?

Through the mist of the steam room, I can only hazard a guess as to what’s going on inside the minds, hearts and souls of my steam-room mates. Where have they come from? What solace does this sauna provide? What needs are being met here that can’t be met outside above the pavement slabs?

I don’t like playing the vulgar game of reducing deaths to a statistic. But if the balls are out – I’m playing. For my London gay community, in the last five years alone – eight of our nightclubs have been shut down; HIV education and prevention services continue to be slashed whilst new HIV diagnoses soar to five every week; proposals to scrap the already minimal LGBTQI sex education in schools gain popularity; hate crime continues to leave one in ten of us bleeding in alleyways; rising right wing political parties continue to target us in their electoral propaganda whilst figures confirm we make up a quarter of UK’s homeless youth. Add the recent London gay sauna incidents, stir, serve and digest. Welcome to Britain’s LGBTQI community in 2015.

While basic human needs are the same everywhere, the ways in which we try to satisfy them vary considerably depending on our cultural backgrounds and our standards of living. In order to be fully alive and happy, we need to have our basic needs met. Only once we have met our primary needs of food, water, energy and shelter can we hope to meet our secondary needs.

The freedom to participate in the functions of society; identify ourselves as we choose; create change; protect ourselves and our loved ones; give and receive affection; enable subsistence and plan for the future; master our emotions and understand ourselves; relax; openly love and to dream and overcome the material reality of everyday life by imagining a better world. So, what happens when society removes our ability to meet these needs?

Deep down, we all know when we attempt to meet these needs constructively and when we engage in self-destructive patterns, including dangerous drug use, to hit the spot. I’ve witnessed ambulance sirens screeching outside gay saunas. I’ve also seen beauty unfurl in these most vulnerable, transformative spaces.

“The bad news is that our society is dominated by a culture of blame rather than questioning.”

Men touching, kissing, laughing, crying, relaxing, flirting and exposing deep vulnerabilities – many for the first time. Whether you’re a migrant fleeing the death penalty for whom you love, petrified as untreated HIV attacks your body or simply desiring to hold someone’s hand without fear of violence; whether we breathe our last breath outside in this brutal world or here on the sauna floor – for many it doesn’t matter.

The bad news is that our society is dominated by a culture of blame rather than questioning. We are conditioned to speculate, judge and consistently fail to see the bigger picture. This results in preventing meaningful social change. The good news is that the LGBTQI community and our allies are not willing to wait. We’ve had enough.

Across London and beyond, we are rising in our numbers to become subjects and not morbid statistical objects in our own reality. Campaigns to save our LGBTQI spaces and programmes for equal education, health and support services are spreading. People are coming together to cultivate a society that makes it possible for everyone to satisfy their fundamental needs, enhance the quality of our lives and ultimately to provide hope for our future.

Blame the system – not the saunas. Dreaming of equality can only happen when we have time to think and to breathe. So welcome, have a massage and a fresh towel.

Come on in – it’s cold outside.

ANTHONY GILET

Writer and blogger
www.cocktailsandcocktalk.com 

Last weekend a man died unexpectedly after being taken to hospital from Waterloo’s Pleasuredrome. Of course, because it hasn’t been confirmed, none of us are allowed to assume it was drug-related, like the incidents involving three other men in 2012.

Many could argue that the cause of deaths is not saunas themselves, but rather people’s attitudes towards drugs. And they’re totally right. But just because saunas are not the root of the problem, does that mean it’s OK for them to accommodate it? Sure, the key is education, but let’s see how many hedonists want to sit down and hear about the negative effects of their lifestyle. The men who die from drug overdoses probably know full well the effects of GBL and other drugs, but choose to take them anyway. So, do you really think you can educate the whole of gay London and watch the death toll drop? I would love you to prove me wrong, sincerely. But it’s just not realistic.

Well nightclubs accommodate drugs, should we close all of them down too? Ah, but that’s why nightclubs have security and often, medic rooms. Two – very important – things that saunas never have. Which is exactly why people need to stop comparing the two; they’re entirely different entities.

“As for a closure of saunas driving people into the dangerous lairs of sex parties – half the people that fuck in there wouldn’t even be allowed on the guest list, babe.”

Others may argue that they are safer at a sauna than they are at a chill out, but when three men have been hospitalized and die in three years (cause of death, “unexplained”) – are they really? But regardless of the actual answer, you can’t police people’s homes, therefore it’s a moot point. We can, however, police saunas better. As for a closure of saunas driving people into the dangerous lairs of sex parties – half the people that fuck in there wouldn’t even be allowed on the guest list, babe.

A common argument is that if these men weren’t doing it in a sauna, they’d be on whatever other app – but so what? Is that less safe? Not really. If anything, I’d assume that the last thing the person measuring your shots wants is a dead queen on their carpet.

Also, it goes without saying that the sole purpose of saunas is for gay men to engage in sexual activity. And while meaningless and easy sex will always be something that gay men seek, time has evolved. When cruising spaces were first invented people weren’t abusing them, so as our drug culture has evolved, so should the community.

Is this really the healthy example we’re looking to set for the younger generation, encouraging them to have reckless sex with random strangers? Sure, they can get that on a hook-up app, too – minus the £20 price tag, and the leering men that couldn’t care in the slightest for your wellbeing as long as they’ve got their cock up your arse.

Saunas belong to a hidden, sweaty, dank part of the dark underbelly of this city. People need to stop pretending like it’s a landmark of gay culture under fire here, it’s not. The uproar of some people is as though we’re suggesting they cancel Pride. We don’t need saunas, which is exactly why the rest of the LGBTQ community don’t have them. They’re not a necessity, they’re a dangerous luxury.

I’m not even pro-closure of saunas (it really makes little difference to me) but as a public venue – they need to invest in some first aid training, harm reduction and/or security.

I find it hard to believe that at £20 a customer, they can’t afford it. If you cannot run your business safely (or at least, safer) you don’t deserve to run one in the first place. It’s one thing to house the spread of HIV and other STIs, not to mention other sinister goings-on, but at least put what safety measures you can in place. It’s just plain irresponsible otherwise.

GAY SAUNAS: For or Against?

Share your views at www.qxmagazine.com/feature/gay-sauna-debate

Old Bond Street store picketed. Call for boycott of D&G

Billionaire designers delight Vatican, far right & homophobes

New research shows that kids with gay parents do well in life

London – 19 March 2015

Sixty protesters rallied outside Dolce and Gabbana’s flagship London store in Old Bond Street at lunchtime today, Thursday 19 March.

“We’re supporting the boycott D&G campaign and defending same-sex parents and their kids against the outrageous claim that the children are chemical and synthetic. Such ill-informed, bigoted opinions cannot be allowed to pass unchallenged. Dolce and Gabbana should know better than echo the homophobia of the Vatican and Europe’s far right parties,” said LGBT rights and human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell, Director of the Peter Tatchell Foundation and co-organiser of today’s protest.

“Their comments are not only an attack on same-sex parents but on all parents who’ve had children with the aid of fertility treatment, including thousands of heterosexual couples.

“We hope today’s picket will inspire similar protests at D&G stores worldwide. We want to send a message to Dolce and Gabbana, and to all homophobes everywhere, that bigotry has a price. They cannot expect to get away with disrespecting same-sex couples and their children.

“It is hypocritical for Stefano Gabbana to oppose gay parents, given that in 2006 he expressed a desire to be a gay dad and have a child via artificial insemination and surrogacy. He’s guilty of double standards. Gabbana wanted for himself what he now condemns other gay men for wanting.

“Dolce and Gabbana have been exploiting the gay market for decades. Many of their adverts are deliberately homoerotic in order to appeal to gay men. They’ve even used images of gay dads and their children to sell D&G clothes. Having made millions from the gay community, they’re now saying disrespectful things about same-sex parents and their children – and about children born to heterosexual couples who have benefited from assisted reproduction.

“Their brand will deservedly suffer significant reputational and financial damage. I hope it will act as a deterrent to others who spout ignorance and intolerance, whether it be homophobia, racism, misogyny or any other prejudice.

“Dolce and Gabbana are echoing ill-informed, outdated and homophobic prejudices about gay parents. Research spanning 40 years shows that children bought up by gay mums and dads are just as happy and well-adjusted as those from traditional heterosexual families. The key to a child’s welfare is the love of their parents, not the parent’s sexual orientation.

“They are playing into the hands of the Vatican and far right political parties that oppose gay families. Their comments are already being used by far right politicians to justify their homophobic policies against same-sex parents and their children.

“Dolce and Gabbana are entitled to their views but we are entitled to protest against them and to refuse to buy their clothes. We urge everyone – gay and straight – to boycott D&G.

“It’s intolerable for these designers to make millions out of the gay community and then turn around and insult our families. They’ve stabbed us in the back. Gay homophobes are the worst of the worst. To betray your own community is shameful,” said Mr Tatchell.

The protest was jointly organised by the Out and Proud Diamond Group and the Peter Tatchell Foundation.

Co-organiser of the protest, Edwin Sesange, director of the LGBT Out and Proud Diamond Group, added:

“We are sending a clear message to Dolce and Gabbana that same-sex families are loving, happy families. This issue is not about same-sex families alone but also about the many straight families who have benefited from fertility treatment. Dolce and Gabbana’s statements add to the stigma, shame, prejudice, rejection and intolerance often suffered by same-sex parents and their children. They should withdraw their statements and apologise.”

Kato Asadhu Kayongo, a Ugandan gay man and a member of the Out and Proud Diamond Group, added:

“Dolce and Gabbana’s comments are so damaging to our struggle for equality in Uganda and other countries that criminalise same-sex relationships. Many people adore the Dolce and Gabbana brand in these countries. Such intolerant statements undermine our struggle. They are likely to be used by anti-gay activists in Uganda and elsewhere to reinforce their homophobic stance. It is very unfortunate that designers living in a country that mostly accepts gay people don’t seem to care about the consequences of their outbursts to us who are still struggling against deep-seated prejudice and hate.”

The protest was in response to the fashion designers insulting slurs against same-sex parents and their children.

Speaking to the Italian magazine Panorama, alongside his business partner, Stefano Gabbana, Domenico Dolce said children should be born to a mother and a father:

“The only family is a traditional one. I’m not convinced by those I call the chemical children, synthetic babies…They are wombs for hire, semen chosen from a catalogue … psychiatrists are not ready to confront the effects of this experimentation.”

Stefano Gabbana added: “The family is not a fad.” In 2006, he told the Daily Mail: “I am opposed to the idea of a child growing up with two gay parents.”

Both designers have in the past strongly opposed same-sex marriage.

www.petertatchellfoundation.org

Old Bond Street store picketed. Call for boycott of D&G

Billionaire designers delight Vatican, far right & homophobes

New research shows that kids with gay parents do well in life

London – 19 March 2015

Sixty protesters rallied outside Dolce and Gabbana’s flagship London store in Old Bond Street at lunchtime today, Thursday 19 March.

“We’re supporting the boycott D&G campaign and defending same-sex parents and their kids against the outrageous claim that the children are chemical and synthetic. Such ill-informed, bigoted opinions cannot be allowed to pass unchallenged. Dolce and Gabbana should know better than echo the homophobia of the Vatican and Europe’s far right parties,” said LGBT rights and human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell, Director of the Peter Tatchell Foundation and co-organiser of today’s protest.

“Their comments are not only an attack on same-sex parents but on all parents who’ve had children with the aid of fertility treatment, including thousands of heterosexual couples.

“We hope today’s picket will inspire similar protests at D&G stores worldwide. We want to send a message to Dolce and Gabbana, and to all homophobes everywhere, that bigotry has a price. They cannot expect to get away with disrespecting same-sex couples and their children.

“It is hypocritical for Stefano Gabbana to oppose gay parents, given that in 2006 he expressed a desire to be a gay dad and have a child via artificial insemination and surrogacy. He’s guilty of double standards. Gabbana wanted for himself what he now condemns other gay men for wanting.

“Dolce and Gabbana have been exploiting the gay market for decades. Many of their adverts are deliberately homoerotic in order to appeal to gay men. They’ve even used images of gay dads and their children to sell D&G clothes. Having made millions from the gay community, they’re now saying disrespectful things about same-sex parents and their children – and about children born to heterosexual couples who have benefited from assisted reproduction.

“Their brand will deservedly suffer significant reputational and financial damage. I hope it will act as a deterrent to others who spout ignorance and intolerance, whether it be homophobia, racism, misogyny or any other prejudice.

“Dolce and Gabbana are echoing ill-informed, outdated and homophobic prejudices about gay parents. Research spanning 40 years shows that children bought up by gay mums and dads are just as happy and well-adjusted as those from traditional heterosexual families. The key to a child’s welfare is the love of their parents, not the parent’s sexual orientation.

“They are playing into the hands of the Vatican and far right political parties that oppose gay families. Their comments are already being used by far right politicians to justify their homophobic policies against same-sex parents and their children.

“Dolce and Gabbana are entitled to their views but we are entitled to protest against them and to refuse to buy their clothes. We urge everyone – gay and straight – to boycott D&G.

“It’s intolerable for these designers to make millions out of the gay community and then turn around and insult our families. They’ve stabbed us in the back. Gay homophobes are the worst of the worst. To betray your own community is shameful,” said Mr Tatchell.

The protest was jointly organised by the Out and Proud Diamond Group and the Peter Tatchell Foundation.

Co-organiser of the protest, Edwin Sesange, director of the LGBT Out and Proud Diamond Group, added:

“We are sending a clear message to Dolce and Gabbana that same-sex families are loving, happy families. This issue is not about same-sex families alone but also about the many straight families who have benefited from fertility treatment. Dolce and Gabbana’s statements add to the stigma, shame, prejudice, rejection and intolerance often suffered by same-sex parents and their children. They should withdraw their statements and apologise.”

Kato Asadhu Kayongo, a Ugandan gay man and a member of the Out and Proud Diamond Group, added:

“Dolce and Gabbana’s comments are so damaging to our struggle for equality in Uganda and other countries that criminalise same-sex relationships. Many people adore the Dolce and Gabbana brand in these countries. Such intolerant statements undermine our struggle. They are likely to be used by anti-gay activists in Uganda and elsewhere to reinforce their homophobic stance. It is very unfortunate that designers living in a country that mostly accepts gay people don’t seem to care about the consequences of their outbursts to us who are still struggling against deep-seated prejudice and hate.”

The protest was in response to the fashion designers insulting slurs against same-sex parents and their children.

Speaking to the Italian magazine Panorama, alongside his business partner, Stefano Gabbana, Domenico Dolce said children should be born to a mother and a father:

“The only family is a traditional one. I’m not convinced by those I call the chemical children, synthetic babies…They are wombs for hire, semen chosen from a catalogue … psychiatrists are not ready to confront the effects of this experimentation.”

Stefano Gabbana added: “The family is not a fad.” In 2006, he told the Daily Mail: “I am opposed to the idea of a child growing up with two gay parents.”

Both designers have in the past strongly opposed same-sex marriage.

www.petertatchellfoundation.org

Part of me wants to be proud of the scene for its exploration of sex; its non-repressive, open, and hopefully judgement-free stance. As well as a psychotherapist, I am a gay man. 

By Andy Connolly

Drugs, alcohol and sex can be fun, their use non-problematic. Drugs can reduce inhibitions and anxiety, and help people make connections. Gay men can function and work, as well as play. They can heighten experiences, enrich lives, and make people feel good. Surely this can be good for mental health?

The other part of me wants to say no…Alcohol and drug use are problematic on the scene. I work with many gay and bi men who come to PACE looking for help. They feel isolated and depressed. They use sex and drugs as a way to fill a void, a gap. They are looking for intimacy, a connection, but instead they feel objectified, worthless. The ‘chemsex scene’ chews them up, and spits them out. Surely this is bad for mental health?

I often feel this conflict at work, in sessions with my clients. It is a reflection, I believe, that they are torn, conflicted and split, too. Is their drug use damaging their mental health, or is it just under control? It can be really hard for them or me to know for sure, and it is maybe a dilemma you face, too?

This tear, this conflict, this split is self-evident on the scene at large. Look on Grindr, and see proud invites for sex parties, ‘chilling’, ‘chemsex now.’ We also see the exact opposite: rejections of the ‘chemsex whore’, DDF, and anything except ‘clean’ living. Grindr can characterise a person entirely on their chemsex preferences. For or against, good or bad, this split is rigid.

Chemsex is not the only thing that gets split. Mental health in general does, too. It is too tempting to divide the world into – those that have mental health ‘problems’, ‘issues’ or ‘illnesses’ – and those that don’t.

But we all have mental health.

I wonder if we can move away from this tear, this conflict, this split. Maybe we can move away from the ‘either/or’ towards the ‘both/and’. The middle position.

“Can we move away from the idea that chemsex is either good or bad? Maybe it is both.”

The middle position is a difficult one to occupy. And perhaps that makes it the most helpful. It is hard to ask ourselves difficult questions, and to stop, think, consider them. It is far easier to defend or deny, say I’m alright, it’s others that have ‘the problem.’ I see this every day in my consulting room. But after achieving the middle position I also see a lot of happiness, people feeling better, and men feeling more in control of their lives.

Can we move away from the idea that chemsex is either good or bad? Maybe it is both. At the right time, for the right people, perhaps it is fine. Maybe it can start as fine, but become a problem. Maybe for some it will never be a problem, and for others it will always be. What is universal though is the need for us to routinely, honestly look around us for those lines – the lines that mark when something does become a problem, or marks where something we do stops being something we actually want.

And exactly the same for our mental health, which is inextricably linked to our physical health and our drug use. We can all potentially become mentally unwell. Can we recognise the signs that we are heading towards mental ill-health? I know for a fact that many people that do become unwell don’t see it coming. Perhaps occupying the middle position will help us to spot the warning signs and change our behaviour, or ask for help. Perhaps the middle position could well be the secret to staying mentally well?

• Andy Connolly is Online Relationship Counsellor & Young People’s Counsellor at the PACE LGBT Mental Health Charity www.pacehealth.org.uk

Well it’s back! Drag Idol seemingly packed up shop after last year’s competition, when gender-bending LoUis CYfer won, but clearly they couldn’t stay away. The baton of running the three-month long event has been handed over from Idol matriarch Titti La Camp to 2012 winner La Voix. Jason Reid caught up with her for the lowdown this week… 

By Jason Reid

How did you get involved with the running of Drag Idol? 

I was very flattered that Titti La Camp asked me directly to take over after she had worked for ten years on the competition. She said for the first time in ten years she looks forward to being a judge.

So, with just a few weeks to go, how are the preparations going? And how are you feeling about it all? 

It’s all going swimmingly and it’s been very exciting to think of ways to spice up the competition and give it a fresh look. There’s a lot of work involved, but equally I have a lot of support from the team who have worked for so many years on it before.

Spice it up you say? Interesting. What changes are there this year then? 

Well, that would be telling… I can say that we’ve reduced the venues involved right down to 15, making the competition much more focused and intense. We have introduced some new venues, including the legendary RVT. And we have encouraged acts to promote themselves earlier to help create followings and fan bases, as opposed to seeing them for the first time in the heats. There are many other tricks up my sleeve too… but that’s top secret!

“I’m excited to see young fresh acts wowing crowds, bringing something new, as well as old-school acts who can deliver a show tune and own a stage!”

Both the RVT and The Black Cap are taking part… 

Yes, I am so thrilled the RVT are onboard (for the first time) and they really are ONBOARD! They’re planning great things and have really embraced their whole inclusion. I really wanted the Black Cap back in after I won it for them in 2012. The pub has had a rough ride fighting planning permission, and with acts like Meth, it has a new lease of life and it’s great to offer alternative acts a place to play a part in this competition, too.

What are you looking for in this year’s entrants? 

I’m looking for that extra something. Drag is changing so much lately with the influence of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, and I feel we are on the edge of real change. I’m excited to see young fresh acts wowing crowds, bringing something new, as well as old-school acts who can deliver a show tune and own a stage! No matter what the style of performer, I want to see people thinking outside the box.

As a former winner, what advice would you give to acts entering?

Hit them hard from the minute you walk on! Energy, pizzazz and vibrancy. Make those queens shut up and take notice! You’re on for 10 minutes, make your mark and leave them wanting more. Also, whilst you’re waiting in the wings, don’t be influenced by any acts who go on before you, and don’t question yourself; you could even put headphones on! Go out and do your thing and make it your show.

• Drag Idol launch night is at The Two Brewers (114 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UJ) on Wednesday April 8th. 

• For a full list of participating venues and an application form visit www.dragidoluk.com