Red, yellow, green, blue… the political spectrum covers all the colours of the rainbow. We decided to match each party’s signature colour with its corresponding Handkerchief Code to find out what these fabulous perverts get up to in the Westminster bogs.
Tory Blue
Anal
The kind of selfish tops who always finish first and say shit like ‘no hanky panky on a school night’.
Lib Dem Yellow
Watersports
The wild card everyone’s considered at some point or another.
UKIP Purple
Piercing
Pain! Infection! Regret! These guys know how to party.
Labour Red
Fisting
Fuck the laundry bill and the loose butt flaps tomorrow, let’s live for the moment.
Greens Green
Hustler
Buying or selling? They’re really not bothered as long as the lube is Fairtrade and made from Hemp juice.
• Got opinions about things? We want to hear them, tweet: @bourgmaurice and @QXmagazine and use the hashtags: #politiclol and #QXGayLondon
• The People’s Republic of Bourgeois of Maurice is at Brighton Spiegeltent on 9th May. www.brightonspiegeltent.com
• Middle of the Road with David Hoyle is at Soho Theatre 3rd-13th June. www.sohotheatre.com