From lube & Lambrini in London Fields to pulled pork and Pinterest in Peckham!
This weekend is forecast to be a SCORCHIN! Or as our favourite drag queen/SNP parliamentary advisor Nancy Clench would say “ROASTIN!”
London comes into its own at the height of summer, even if it does only last for a week. One thing that happens, is the instant and distracting onslaught of HOT MEN. Or as QX Managing Director Chris Colman would say, “right sorts”. Roving the streets in high-tops and baseball caps, all bulging mahogany calfs and secret smiles. Hey boys!
Our favourites are those wide-eyed Essex boys fresh off City Thameslink, with their tanned legs/pulled up white socks combo. Go to Sports Direct and pack a lunch. Anyway we’ll stop before we get too leachy. But yeah the city is awash with totty. “Totty”, who do we think we are Tara Palmer-Tomkinson?! RIP.
We’re crap at things like eating and driving, but something LGBT Londoners ARE good at, is making the most of the weather! So here’s our guide (we love a guide) to the best places to do that! ENJOY.
Regent’s Canal
A less obvious choice perhaps, and not specifically gay, but NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE GAY Y’KNOW. This isn’t Gay Times! One of London’s best commodities, Regent’s Canal is a beautifully varied, undulating adventure of scenic gorgeyness. Start off at the Kings Cross basin, and swish swish (bish) down past the entertainingly Hunger Games-esque new developments on the water, up to Camden, where you can take in some touching Amy Winehouse art along the banks, and have a nose at the uber rich gardens of the canalside houses of Primrose Hill. There’s also a floating Chinese restaurant that looks like something out of Studio Ghibli. All very camp, babes.
London Fields
We LOVE London Fields. It’s like Rihanna to Regent’s Canal’s Celine Dion (does that make sense? It does in our heads. You know what we mean). Anyway, at its worst it’s a smack crack nightmare, and at its best, it’s a heady mix of Malibu, mature cheddar and marijuana. It’s great for a post-after party dissection, whilst sipping a Strongbow Dark Fruit and listlessly scrolling through Grindr. Not that we’ve ever been to an after party, or been on Grindr. Obviously. There is also a LIDO. We love a lido! It all feels very 1920s, very faded glamour of the seaside. The only problem with London Fields Lido is that there are too many fucking children there.
St Katherine’s Dock
WHO NEEDS Monaco or the Seychelles when you’ve got St Katherine’s Dock! If you battle through the thronging, Starbucks-strewn tourist hell at The Tower Of London and dive into an unassuming side street just by Tower Bridge, you’ll be rewarded with a glittering and fairly undiscovered oasis. An exclusive marina by day and a bustling restaurant/bar district by night, it’s the playground of London’s wealthy yacht connoisseurs. These are the sort of people who are so rich, they’d send back their buffalo mozzarella because the buffalo hadn’t been to a private school. These are the sort of people who are so rich, they think Rolex a type of laxative. It’s actually a great place for TRICKING YOUR FLATMATES – take a selfie next to a suitably mediterranean-looking craft and upload it with the caption “Impulsive trip to Malta lol!” They’ll think you’re away, and then you can turn up unannounced and catch them mid-chemsesh. Ha! Whilst you’re at St Katherine’s, keep an eye out for Lupita Nyong’o. We spotted her there once, eating some chips.
Hampstead Heath
We probably use the word “iconic” too much, but Hampstead Heath IS iconic, truly. Its dappled woodland, crumbling walkways and cool ponds are steeped in queer history, and have provided a haven for gay men for decades. There’s something inherently queer and uniquely London about it. A bit like us really. Which might be why we love it so much. It is, possibly, our favourite outdoor space in the city. Highlights include the cruising grounds, frequented by salacious men looking for fun in the bushes on hazy, humid afternoons; the historic Pergola, a beautiful, vine-strewn walkway that’s like something out of Game Of Thrones; and of course the Men’s Pond, with its breathtakingly cold, glistening waters, hilariously camp lawns, strewn with tanned bodies, Call Me Maybe wafting from several iPhone 6s.
Your Rich Friend’s Balcony
We’ve all got a rich friend with a balcony haven’t we. Well now is the time to MESSAGE THEM ON FACEBOOK. Or at least give them a few perfunctory likes on Instagram. Get in their good books, bring a casserole round or something. Cultivate the friendship. Because there’s no better feeling than enjoying a blowjob and a gin and tonic on someone else’s balcony.
Soho Square
An oldie but a goodie! At the height of summer, Soho Square harkens back to the good old days of Soho, London’s former queer hub. Drag queens stumble across sprinklers, queens called Carlos wave and pout, cans of Tesco pre-mixed vodka cranberry get spilled. And then, as the sun dips below the skeleton of Centre Point, you all go out to the bars and get pissed! It’s a special kind of hangover that you’re treated to the next day though, after drinking all day in the heat, then drinking all night in KU or Comptons. Remedy it with a Bloody Mary. We love a Bloody Mary.
Peckham
It’s all going down in Peckham at the moment! People are starting gay nights, opening art galleries, pioneering queer spaces, and getting Facebook notifications left, right and centre! Peckham’s brilliant, it’s midway through the gentrification process, and is currently a mix of assertive Nigerian ladies, and sexily insouciant art students. Which, in our opinion, are the two best kinds of people imaginable. Frank’s Bar is great for a date. It’s been featured in TimeOut about 50,000 times – a trendy cocktail bar on top of a multi-story car park, with sweeping views of the city. There’s also a great space at The Bussey Building (yes, we know, Bussey, stop it). It’s a large courtyard, that has since been converted into a performance space slash antique market slash food court slash queer bar. We see you rolling your eyes, but it’s actually very nice.
So for now, that concludes our guide to outdoor spaces! Buy some £5 sunglasses from Ridley Road Market and get out there!
The post A Gay Guide To London’s Best Outdoor Spaces appeared first on QX Magazine.