It’s cold outside, and not only that, but the toxic winds of pollutant death are apparently wafting through London. Donald’s gone off the rails, Melania’s given up and is just sat in the bath filing her nails and listening to Dido, and Theresa May’s binned her leather trousers in favour of fascism and regret.
London has NOT. BEEN. FUN. But one wonderful thing about a city like London, is you can always find something to cheer yourself up. Sometimes it’s seeing minor celebrities get their heels stuck in the drain on Frith Street (we’re look at you, Anna Friel). Sometimes it’s splashing out on £30 worth of takeaway chicken (please refer to our previous issue) and SOMETIMES, in fact MOST TIMES, it’s perving on hot men on the tube!
Remember that website TubeCrush? Well we’ve decided to give it a bit of a renaissance to erect all of you from your January comedowns. Chuck that Lucozade down the toilet, switch off Celebrity Big Brother, and top up your Oyster cards (lolz) because we’ve got hot men to hunt! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL.
Happy new BULGE
This thick-thighed hunk of gorgeousness was spotted on the Hammersmith & Shitty line on New Year’s Eve! Must have been off to the gym! Or on his way back from a chillout. That’s quite a chillout-y outfit.
MENNINGTON
That’s a crap pun, because it was taken at Kennington Station. Geddit? MENNINGTON. Because he’s a man. Those hands are making us weak at the knees. On our knees? If you insist, MANNINGTON!
Tall, Dark, and Wearing Trakkies
We all love a pair of trakkies don’t we. What is it about them? Even Wayne Rooney (that Mr Potatohead who plays football) would look hot in a pair of trakkies. Maybe not actually. Anyway, this guy does!
Legs For Days!
YAAAS KWEEN WERK. LEGENDARY? MORE LIKE LEG AND DAIRY!
Maccies D’s Nosh
We’d let him spit in our McFlurry and then in our mouth.
Chillout chic
Ok, these two are DEFINITELY on their way back from a chillout.
Into it. Into You. By Ariana Grande (NB: by “chillout” we of course mean “a nice calm party where everyone meditates on cushions”)
Footie Fuckboi
Don’t you just love football season. Well, not playing it, or watching it. But football KIT season.
Kilted cutie
It was Burns Night last week, and this kilted cutie was on the District & Circle! We’d blow his bagpipes. Ew.
Bicepped BAPS
Pastel polo shirts are awful, as are cream slip-on shoes (VOM) but we’ll let this guy off because we’d let him CRUSH US with those arms. Also, this may or may not be Hugh Jackman. Hugh? Hello? It’s me.
• Well, that’s that for this week’s #TUBECRUSH. For more #TUBECRUSHES, head to tubecrush.net