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The History of the Va Va Voom Boys
5th July 1984
Today I found a basket of eight unwanted baby boys down a back alley in Vauxhall. I went to the vets but they weren’t micro-chipped so I’m going to keep them! So proud to finally be a Mother!
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Sept 1985
Bloody knackered! Stupid idea to keep these ugly shits!
March 1997
Told the kids to get me some stuff from Ann Summers for Mother’s Day. Excited!
Nov 1998
Accidentally put poppers in the oil burner in the kids’ bedroom instead of lavender oil!
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10th Sept 2004
The boys are 20 now, I’ve trained them in singing and in dancing since they were boys. It’s gonna be like Momma Rose in Gypsy once they are ready!
15th Oct 2006
It’s very expensive to keep them. Sold five on Ebay today. Great results.
3rd June 2008
Great day at the car boot sale today, offloaded another seven boys and picked up a Disney Album cassette tape. I feel a new show coming on.
28th March 2010
Decided the boys need to be more ripped, sexy and muscled for the new show to take off. I’ve heard of a competition called Drag Idol that I may enter in a few years if they are ready! Set them to work lifting weighted stilettos in the garden
4th June 2011
SHIT! New hair dye disaster! Honeycomb delight blonde turned out bright red! Boys love it, so sod it, I’ll keep it!
3rd April 2012
Boys are getting buff, and really taking shape. Entered Drag Idol today! Need a new dress. Sold some boys to QX magazine offices for cleaning staff.
Good day.
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28th April 2012
Left boys in the crèche in Blue Water today. Lost armband with number on to collect them, so I left for home. Quite pleased actually as shoes I bought weren’t in sale so could do with less mouths to feed.
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29th May 2012
Lost some boys again in Hoist after that Berlin Weekend.
2nd June 2012
One of the boys told me he was straight today! I was mortified and kicked him out! How dare he threaten to bring another woman into this house!
29th June 2012
Won Drag Idol today! I think this new show is gonna work, put some boys on Amazon to pay for new dress. Advertised as ‘Old and Used’ but should get a bit for them, one’s Brazilian after all.
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Dec 2013
Why are we going through so many boxes of Kleenex in the house since I installed broadband?
20th Sept 2013
Boys are starting to get involved in great shows. Shit I only have 3 left! Looks a bit bare!
1st Jan 2014
Great gigs in the diary! Moved into the little cottage in Soho Square today. Me and the boys are so happy with our new home. Spare beds though and I need new boys for the show!
3rd Feb 2014
Audition planned! I want the hottest, sexiest, cutest boys to entertain the Gay scene with! All booked March 8th.
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8th March 2014
AUDITON WAS TODAY, WOW! My new boys are ripped, hot and sexy! Added to massive shows for 2014 the VA VA VOOM BOYS are back and better and hotter than ever!
• Catch La Voix and her brand new Va Va Voom Boys showing off their chiseled hunks of bodies at The Two Brewers (114 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UJ) on Saturday 15th March. Entry free before 10pm, £6 before 11pm, £7 after.
Photos by joel-ryder.com