Award winning Brighton based cabaret artist, Scott Burey, better known as the Drag With No Name, takes his zany brand of performance up and down the country all year round. Away from the spotlight he leads an equally fun-filled life with long-term partner Darren, but as a young lad growing up gay in Essex things were not always such smooth sailing. 

Over the years it’s true that the coming out process has become much less of a traumatic experience, however it can still be a particularly unpleasant one for many, for a multitude of reasons. Jason Reid spoke to Scott this week about his own coming out experience.

At what age did you come out to your friends and family, and what was their initial reaction?

I was 18 – all the way back in 1993. My mum was the first person I told and her initial reaction was one of shock and denial. I am certain she knew, but it was that confirmation that took her aback. She told me there and then she loved me, but couldn’t accept it. When my brother came downstairs to find us both in tears my mum turned to him and said ‘Go on, tell him! Your brother’s gay!’’ At that point my brother put his arms around me and said ‘Don’t worry mate, I’m here for you, I love you regardless’

Did your mum come round in time? 

Yes, thankfully. She came to Brighton a month later and after a weekend of meeting my newly found gay friends she apologised for her reaction and told me that she would always be there and that she loved me unconditionally.

Was your coming out planned, and how did you prepare for it? 

It was planned, yes. Just eight weeks previous I’d met the first gay person in my life, someone I then had a summer romance with, and it gave me the strength to speak out and be honest with those I love. And more importantly myself. Two weeks later I left home and headed to Brighton.

Do you remember how you felt in that coming out moment? 

It was a mixture of emotions, and it still makes me tear up now just talking about it. Mostly because I was unaware of what being gay meant. I also was just as confused, shocked and upset as my mum because I knew there’d be big changes ahead. But ULTIMATELY, I felt the greatest release – finally after years and years of keeping my sexuality a secret, I was able to shout out to the world that this was who I was and this was the real me! It’s very liberating.

What was the most difficult aspect of the whole experience for you personally? 

Just to be upsetting my family, and to see my Mum cry. You feel like you are letting them down. I was told for years by the world that being gay is wrong and dirty, and I was about to tell my family that I was one of those people. I grew up in a generation with no internet and only four TV channels, so the information I received was purely negative. I had no means to search for anything different and really nowhere to turn.

“Knowing what I know now and how my life would pan out, I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

Looking back, if you could, would you change anything? 

Knowing what I know now and how my life would pan out, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I could have still been living a lie and lonely in Essex, where as I found the most wonderful life here in Brighton.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to come out but is fearful of not being accepted?

It’s heartbreaking to say but it really is down to the individual. I wish I could sit here and say to everybody that has the slightest notion they may be homosexual to come out to everyone and release yourself. But sadly there are people out there in dangerous situations, be it family based or a matter of geography. Organisations like R U Coming Out give people the opportunity to read about the experiences of others, and from that knowledge decide what avenue is best for them. If I had this kind of info back in my day I think I would have been braver much earlier in my life.

Twenty years on, how would you sum up your coming out experience?  

It was the proudest moment of my life – to finally be true to myself and those I cared for around me.

• If you need support or information about coming out visit www.rucomingout.com